5 Steps to Save Your Relationship!! Let’s Dissolve Jealousy and Create the Perfect Partner.
Through my own personal journey, treating thousands of patients and in coaching hundreds of individuals and couples , I have discovered the areas of resistance within the relationship holds the greatest insights for your own personal growth of learning to love. How do we come together to find a solution that benefits us both? Is there such a thing as a compromise? Do you sacrifice what is important to you for your lover? How do you build bridges in your relationship? What is jealousy and what is its purpose? Is there a perfect partner?
This time of the year brings past reflection as old falls away and new growth happens in relationships, moving through a divine plan. Family stresses and divorce rates are higher in December and January than any other as we evaluate the New Year with a fresh perspective. There is so much to learn when you are courageous enough to dive into the deep waters of our emotional iceberg and understand what beliefs are supporting your thoughts, words and actions to make-love to the ocean of possibilities. Without looking into the waters of wisdom your next relationship may end with the same lesson. You attract same lesson until you learn to love it. Let’s triage your relationship and give you the “Love Score” of your current relationship to celebrate or re-design the year ahead.
1. Communicate clearly. What is it you love and why? Have you asked your partner what it is they love? Write it down if you don’t have the courage to say it out loud. The degree of clarity will be directly related to the length and strength of the relationship. You need the details, the list of ingredients and supplies before you can create the love nest.
A. We talk almost every day, share the highlights of our day and give each other ideas and suggestions.
B. We talk once or twice a week, one partner shares and the other listens and provide advice.
C. We rarely talk and when we do it ends in emotion.
2. Treat your lover as your best friend. Best friends are independent and fearless in sharing their heart and remind you of yours when you’ve forgotten. They are there for you unconditionally. These are the relationships that last forever, regardless of the marriage status. The couple may not always be lovers but this friend bond is a sharing of a kindred spirit of mutual respect and understanding.
A. My partner and I enjoy time together or apart with others.
B. We have mostly couple’s friends and we enjoy spending time with them.
C. We don’t spend much time together and he/she doesn’t like my friends.
3. Take pleasure in your partner’s successes. Unconditional love is not jealous. If your child scored in their hockey game, won an award or found a friend that is really helping them achieve their goals would you be jealous? This unconditional love comes from a soulful place within you that knows love can neither be lost nor gained but grown deeper with loving care. When you are fulfilled within yourself you spill it out to share it with others. The area you feel you are lacking within yourself is the perceived area of abundance in your partner to which you will be jealous. For example if you do not love your job you will resent your husband for loving his and be jealous of all the work related opportunities. If you are not fulfilled in your family life you will be jealous of the time your partner spends with their family. If you are not fulfilled in your sexuality, then you may be jealous of theirs.
A. I rejoice and take pleasure in my partner’s successes. When they are joyful, so am I.
B. I support most of my partner’s endeavors, even the ones that make me angry.
C. My partner is often boasting about knowledge, success in business and relationships and this infuriates me.
4. Love them by giving them support and challenge. The people pleasers – “yes honey”, “ok honey”, “and no problem honey”- will set up resentment within their partner. We all thrive in authentic communication. Parents or partners that only give positive or negative comments will create a child or spouse that has little self confidence. This artificial environment is felt and the person feels weak and unworthy of the truth. We try to fill a bucket when we perceive it empty. See your partner’s brilliance and understand that they need both your compliments and criticisms to be fully balanced. A bucket over flowing with compliments tips over! You do more of a disservice to the relationship by putting that person on a pedestal or the reverse of constantly removing water with your criticisms. True love communicates eye to eye and heart to heart.
A. I ask my partner if they would like my honest opinion, and I usually deliver it on a balanced tactful plate of positive and negatives.
B. I sometimes will tell my partner how I really feel, but I am often afraid of how they will react.
C. I can never speak my mind for fear of what it would mean to our relationship. I feel like I am under a microscope and always walking on egg shells.
5. Trust in a matrix that balances love. What you put into a relationship you will get back. This doesn’t mean sacrificing the things that are important to you for the other person. Truly following the above steps, attending to your desires equally to your partners and linking them towards a shared vision is the art of love making. Write out your top ten life goals and exchange lists with your partner, each of you taking on the responsibility of how you can help the other be list fulfilled.
A. I give to myself, what I give to them. I love, honor and respect their desires as if they were my own.
B. In giving to my partner, I sometime feel like I am sacrificing what is important to me.
C. I give them everything and there is no way to please them.
Rating Yourself with the above choices: A= 3points B=2 points C=1 point
What is your Love Score?
A score of 15 = You are living true love, in that you love you as much as you love your partner. Caring to communicate your desires with them and live out your destiny as a divine couple.
A score 10-15= You know what ideal love is and you are learning to love yourself as much as you love your partner. You still haven’t grasped the concept that love is both positive and negative. When you are speaking from your heart and being authentic regardless of whether you are liked or disliked, you have the courage to love. To only give support weakens the structure. Plants, puppies and partners that have some challenge grow stronger. Daily Affirmation for this score is: “Love is neither positive nor negative but encompasses all. True love is being authentic and speaking from my heart.”
A score of 5-10= You are struggling in your relationship. The key to success lies within the ability to know and love you. What is it that you love? Why are you not going after it? Instead of blaming your spouse, love them for who they, understand their values are different than yours. Honor the divine spirit that you are and fearlessly let your light shine upon the world. Say this affirmation to yourself every day… “I love and honor the divine spirit that I am and I am fearlessly letting my light shine upon the world. I love and honor that others are doing the same. I am love and with this I attract more love into my life. ”
I trust that you find some wisdom within these words to enable you to see the perfection in you and your relationship. To understand that you are each a living expression of a divine intention, here on earth at this time to learn greater depths of love. Act now with this faith, confidence and belief to manifest an amazing love-making opportunity with the unique universal expression of you…and your partner as your own reflection! If you need additional information visit www.loveyourdivorcesite.com, www.drdenachurchill.com or book a live or virtual coaching session with me firstname.lastname@example.org
Thank you for reading. I look forward to your comments. If you like this article, please consider sharing it with those who are seeking their beloved.