The Vancouver Sun has recently published an article discussing the cost of celebrity divorces. The settlement figures were staggering. Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise being the latest and greatest divorce stars of the media as the headline reads… “Will Katie get shafted in the divorce as a result of the pre-nuptial agreement?” It is this linear perspective, the one sided perception that stirs emotion and minds of the readers. As a Top Gun fan with Tom Cruise listed in my high school year book as my actor weakness, I am wondering if he is now back on the market but a little lighter perhaps than before?
The following are some celebrity costs to color the page. Elin Nordegren’s divorce settlement to Tiger Woods after 6 years of marriage was $750 million and Madonna and Guy Ritchie’s settlement was $72-92 Million? Or that Rupert and Anna Murdoch settled for $1.7 billion? Reading these figures I’m kind of thinking, I married the wrong man! The media entices readers about discussing the pain and loss surrounding divorce and fortune splitting taking a place on center stage but is there a side to divorce that goes unnoticed? My book entitled, Divinity in Divorce, aims to present a quieter perspective to divorce to shift the current paradigm. Throughout my own personal divorce journey, sinking into despair, I asked God the question of how to get through this process with love and grace. Regardless of the city, circumstance or country those going through the divorce will have similar questions. A process called the Demartini Method ™ began unraveling the mystery for me and when I found the answer, I thought it would be worth sharing.
I’ve been a lifetime helping others find a blessing in their crisis but when you have lived it and eventually loved it you own a different level of understanding. Confucius says wisdom is gained through experience (the bitterest), imitation (the easiest) and reflection (the noblest) thus according to this definition, I would consider myself an authority on this subject. Divinity in Divorce attracts attention, not because it is in apparent conflict with the mandate of Christian Churches or that it is a literary masterpiece but because it offers an opportunity to reach new levels of growth by adopting a different perspective to the cost to a divorce.
If you are surrounded with literature that discusses the negative effects on children, the societal dissolution of the broken family and prayers and tears of sympathy in loved ones, then you feed the fires of frustration, loss and cost. The only way out of your circle of emotion is to jump out of your current paradigm, to find the answers within love and grace at the center of the process, learning to love it all. When both parties find this balance, it reduces legal costs, there are faster settlements, and less stress and healthier wealthier families is the result. It sounds like Tom and Katie have worked through their divorce more quickly than most, perhaps the prenuptial agreement more clearly defines the course but if you are reading this and still struggling, contact me for the express line directions to healing grace at firstname.lastname@example.org or download my book package at www.loveyourdivorcesite.com.
The phrase broken family is a heart breaking descriptor. Who wants to hold anything that is broken? What if we look at the process as the family growing and expanding to include others? Friends that now come into the picture, step children, even other partners give your family an opportunity to learn new skills, discover new independence, and expand our horizons to new ideas. Brendon Burchard’s recent book, The Charge, discusses the passion in change. How you roll with the wave of challenges in fact, defines your character. The challenge brings you from a flat line to the summit of life. Welcoming new challenges with enthusiasm is a foundational quality of all successful high achievers. If I may continue on this purpose of pain and jump into a bit of a metaphysical rant and a religious roar, to view challenge as the universe testing our certainty and love. The pain forces us to change our behavior and re-align with our highest values. We begin to understand that holding on to an old paradigm or belief system, stunts growth and is what some religions consider the source of suffering. Courage to make a significant change is the right of passage into a more inspired life. Notice I didn’t say better life, for this too is the world’s greatest myth. The grass is not greener on the other side, it is just a different seed but it costs the same. There will still be just as many challenges outside of the divorce but they will change form. Finances, friends, child responsibilities and sexual relationships will shuffle and now your challenge after the divorce will be in a different blade of grass.
In reality the cost of a divorce will balance the benefit. To help find the center ask yourself:
* How have I benefited financially from this marriage and where will I benefit from it in divorce?
* Where has this relationship and the separation saved me money and time?
* What have I created as a result of our marriage and what am I creating as a result of the divorce?
* Am I who I am today because they are who they are?
Holding illusions of only cost and loss you are depressed. On the contrary, focus only on gains and benefits and be elated. Both illusions take energy and eventually suck the life and love out of the process. Finding the diamond in the marriage helps you rediscover it in the divorce. Love it before you leave it.
Count the cost and balance the benefit!