The degree to which you love yourself is the degree to which you can love another.  Masturbate your heart.

Masturbate your heart.  Caress all that you love.  Is it selfish to focus on you?  Only when you full fill yourself, can your loving service overflow your heart and spill out to others.     The following article is based on three basic mind, body, and spirit paradigms of relationships.  I will use the word relationships in the broadest sense to include the relationship you have with yourself, husband-wife, wife-wife, parent-child, employee-employer or even nation-nation, as many of the same principles apply.  Emotions, judgments and communication are the binding elements in any union.

Relationships are the basic units of evolution.  It takes single cellular organisms interaction with others in the vicinity to create a community or larger organism.  It takes an egg cell meeting a sperm to create a whole being, it takes the connection between man and woman to allow the sperm and egg to meet in this dance of mitotic division.  Our evolution rests upon relationships!

Lynn Mctaggart has written a recent brilliant book called, The Bond, that discusses how we are hardwired to each other from the fundamental level of cells to whole societies.  The desire to help others is so great that we experience it as one of our chief pleasures (just as much as eating or having sex).   To succeed and prosper we must see ourselves as a part of a Great whole with a greater vision than ourselves. 

Our communication, both support and challenge is so essential to establish this bond that it exists at every level from the single cellular organisms to the collection of 50 trillion cells we call humans to nations within our planet.   There is a conversation between our cells not unlike the conversation between two people giving and taking more or less, programmed to bring us back into a homeostatic balance, that I shall call Love.

Key point 1#:  Communication to establish a bond has components of support and challenge. 

 Even conflict brings awareness to the entanglement between two entities. “People who fire together wire together”.    If we are looking for a relationship that is only peaceful it may be in the grave that you meet this reality.    All great relationships wax and wane like the moon and tides, they dance together as if the sun and the moon and move in and out like a heartbeat.  It is both these components that make up love and the peace and joy is found in this understanding.

While we are here on earth our purpose is to learn and grow deeper into love.  The purpose is to love all parts of ourselves and all parts of others in the world as our reflection.

A patient comes into my chiropractic office a few years ago and reports that today is his 65^th wedding anniversary.    I ask him to tell me the magical formula that keeps him and his wife strong and together for 65 years.  He says there are two simple strategies; 1. Hold on 2. Don’t die.  I am not sure if he was meaning his relationship or his sex life but at 85 years old the thought of both scenarios made me smile.  His wife says, “But you know Dr. Dena we fight all the time.”   The husband replies, “love, if we didn’t fight we’d have been bored and divorced 20 years ago.”

I love this example of real love.   Not the fantasy fairy tale that it is all support and no challenge.   Both sides exist but attending just to the positive we infatuate with the relationship or just attending to the negative we resent it, when we can embrace both sides then we are in love with it.   “Love is the simultaneous, synchronicity of complimentary opposites.”  John Demartini

In my coaching around relationships there is a myth that you can fall in and out of love with phrases such as….  “He doesn’t love me like he used to”, “I never did love him” or “I am so in love”.   Love is ever present.   It is an unlimited resource that surrounds us in different forms.   Our perceptions either enhance or discolor the image of it.   Love is white light and our perceptions are colors that have been filtered through the mind prism of illusions.    Love is a renewable resource of which we are a part.  It can neither be created nor destroyed but it changes forms.   Love is an inside job; the mantra is “I am love”.   “Love the one you are with- YOU”.   Feeling worthy of love assumes love to be an outside commodity but “I am love” means whether you are with someone or alone YOU are full filled.

Key Point #2:    “I am love”.

Why is it we need to understand that love is both sides?  Why are emotions important?  When we understand love to be both sides it decreases judgment of relationships as we see how even the conflict fits into the matrix of a loving universe.   There are many schools of thought around emotion.   Some label it.  Depression for example is a label.  Some try to dissolve it with therapy, methods and medication.   I’d like to suggest loving it.   Emotions are the blueprint, the breadcrumbs to your soul.   They are the symptoms of your hearts desires not being met.   Emotions are your lopsided perceptions, embrace them and use them to understand yourself at greater levels.  Find a coach that will honor your emotions and use them to open your soul.

Key Point # 3:   Emotions are the Breadcrumbs to the Soul.  Use them.

 Judgments create emotion.   What do you judge most harshly in others? What trait or habit?  Where do you have it?   Our biblical ideals suggest “do not to judge.”   Do they forget we are human?  Do they not see the service in judgments?  Just as the body is designed with no extra parts, neither the mind nor the heart will have colors and flavors that we can’t use.   Show me your judgments and I shall show you that which you have not yet loved.   Dissect them carefully honoring the wisdom of the body, mind and spirit.   Byron Katie says pull out your judgment sheet, lay them down and turn them around.   This is a profound exercise that will cut Jack out of his bean stalk landing him into the heart of the soul with one swing of the axe.

To embrace this definition of love and understand that we all have every trait we as Arielle Ford says we can own our dark side and move further into the light.  John Demartini says we have every trait, you can be stingy with your time, stingy with your money, stingy with your sex but you are still stingy.   We express the traits according to our own values but we have them all!  We move out of a victim mentality of shame blame and judgment realizing that what we see or judge most harshly in another is what we do not love or cannot see within you.    Use your judgments to find your shadow.

Emotion –energy in motion.  William James, father of modern psychology in 1800’s said there is no such thing as an emotion but a perception and a bodily response.  So the implication for you is huge in changing a perception does changes your reality.    Actual “Molecules of Emotion” as Candace Pert describes.    Candace Pert is a neuroscientist/ pharmacologist whose Nobel Prize work was her discovery of the opiate receptors on cells.  She puts a new spin in the old story of the lock and key phenomena.   Our thoughts release certain neuropeptides “keys” or chemicals from the brain that travel in the body and are picked up by receptor “locks” in all areas of the body.   The fight or flight response is a great demonstration of this process in action.  We can think of a rattle snake and have a bodily response- our heart beats faster, our pupils dilate, our palms get sweaty.

There are even insulin receptors in the amaglyda (emotional center) of the brain so you can understand how eating and emotions could dance.  The love and joy cocktail of endorphins, oxytocin, and vasopressin are not only made by the pituitary gland in the brain but also in the gonads!  Make love to me and my mind for the best orgasm!   A beautiful, profound finding for the purpose of this article is that the heart contains receptors for most all of the neuropeptides!!   So I will feel you before I will see you.

Key Point #4:  Your Judgments are your Shadow

Sexual expression or repression is often a reflection of your relationship as love-making occurs on many different levels.    It is an efficient way to triage your relationship.   The physical sex reality gives us the ground to dig deeper.  Guilt’s of the past, fears and doubts about the future are often symptoms that show up in the bedroom so it is an intimate way into your heart.

In these situations, sexual healing is not as much about lotions, potions, leather, lace and sex toys and improving sexual technique.   It is more about heightening our awareness of what’s stopping us from being closer with our partner.  It is a process of unraveling ever-deeper levels of truth about our fears, telling those truths to ourselves and our partners, and thus creating a sacred space within which to share our loving expression.  So, in a way, effective relationship therapy is really sex therapy and self exploration therapy on one mattress!

“Sexual energy is a tremendous source of vitality and life force. When we own and live our sexual energy, we incarnate – we come to embody the goddess within. We wake up to the moment. Through our sexual flow as women, the worlds are birthed.”~Shakti Malan

What does the phrase “not tonight honey I have a headache” suggest?  It is an example of a common sabotage tactic in which the person is challenged or not seeing enough value in the process.   Linking values to a shared vision is the heart of the matter.   Take a minute to write down your values.   List the top 3-5 areas or things you love.   Values can be identified by examining where you spend the most time and money and the areas of your life that are most organized.  It will be what you talk about the most, read about the most and surround yourself.    www.drdemartini.com  will provide you with a value determination sheet that will be helpful in this process.  My top values would be mind/body healing, writing, speaking, family, yoga.

Now list what you perceive is your partners top 3-5 values.  This could be your partner in personal relationship or partner in business.   What do you notice?  Are they different?  The universe sets it up this way to help us love it all.  As frustrating as it is often times to see another’s’ perspective the only way to escape the emotion is to learn to love at an expanded awareness that encompasses both sets of values and links it to a greater purpose.   An exercise I do when coaching couples is have each do a top 10 list then exchange it and have the partner suggest ways they can help you fulfill it.

Take the love test here http://drdenachurchill.com/2011/12/31/5-steps-save-relationship-lets-dissolve-jealously-create-perfect-partner/

Key Point #5 :  Masturbate Your Heart

Knowing what it is that you value most, will help you be clearer and focused in your life purpose.  The voices on the outside whether in support or challenge are there to test your certainty of what you love.   Write down the activities that creates the orgasm of your heart’s desire and do them.  Use your emotions and judgments of others to help you find your way to the S.O.U.L….the Spirit Of Unconditional Love.  Understand that the world you see is a reflection of you so……MASTURBATE YOUR HEART and live in Joy and bliss!

If you need additional information visit www.loveyourdivorcesite.com, www.drdenachurchill.com or book a live or virtual coaching session e-mail dena@drdenachurchill.com

Obesity is a growing global epidemic.   Weight loss is the hot topic as every new support group claims to have the answer.  Despite the advances in medical science, increase awareness of diet and exercise,  people are getting fatter almost everywhere in the world.

The World Health Organization predicts there will be 2.3 billion overweight adults in the world by 2015 and more than 700 million of them will be obese.  Figures for 2005 show 1.6 billion adults were overweight and 400 million were obese.

The industrial countries appear to lead the way in obesity.   Obesity, measured with Body Mass Index (BMI) is defined as a person’s weight in kilograms divided by the square of their height in meters (kg/m2) equal or greater than 30.  The increase of convenience foods, labor-saving devices, motorized transport and more sedentary lifestyle have been to blame for why populations are getting fatter, but as I am discovering there is much more to this story!

Calories in and out do not explain how or why our obesity rates in North America have doubled in the last 30 years.  It is not only humans that are getting fatter but other animals living in proximity to humans are growing heavier too!  What else has changed in the last 30 years that may correspond to these obesity changes?

In 1998, a Scotland medical metabolism specialist motivated by her own inability to lose weight was asking the same questions.  After the stubborn weight loss with the birth of her second child, she dug into the metabolic research for answers.   Dr. Paula Baillie Hamilton sought to test her hypothesis of whether or not chemicals in the environment could act as fake female hormones, changing metabolism, affecting the endocrine system and sequestering fat in the body.

Study after study showed her hypothesis was correct.  She documented her findings in the Nov 2002 Journal of Alternative of Complimentary Medicine, “Chemical toxins: A hypothesis to explain the global Obesity Epidemic”.  Environmental chemicals given to laboratory animals did in fact increase weight gain.  Most of the studies were developed to investigate the effect of environmental chemicals on cancers in the body but over and over weight gain and obesity were a reoccurring “incidental” finding.    Bruce Blumberg a California marine biologist was finding injecting tributyltin- a chemical found in boat rust free paint- was another one of these endorphin disruptor that caused obesity in frogsand other marine life.   When given to pregnant female rats, this chemical, even in minute amounts, also increased the weight of the offspring.  Retha Newbold- environmental health researcher in North Carolina – found that a synthetic estrogen drug was also causing obesity in her lab rats.  Overwhelming research now suggests these manmade chemicals in the environment- coined obesogens- to be a leading factor in the obesity epidemic worldwide.   These chemicals are not just found in toxic waste dumps, they are in our homes and everyday life.  A chemical like BPA (Bisphenol A) have been banned from baby bottles but are still found in many plastics and on the surface of cash register receipts and tributyltin is a common additive to paints, glues and fillers.

How do we apply this to Atlantic Canada?   Since it was cancer research that highlighted these global phenomena, I decided to examine the cancer and obesity rates in Atlantic Canada to further test this theory.   There is a correlation- The Atlantic Provinces have the highest rates of certain cancers and greatest obesity.

Dr. Louise Parker is heading a $7-million Atlantic-Canada-wide study to expose the roots of the high cancer rates in this region.

http://www.iwk.nshealth.ca/index.cfm?objectid=3A76EEFC-BFBC-46C2-B854FB283736B70F

“The Atlantic provinces have the highest rates of cancer in Canada,” says Dr. Parker. “The Atlantic PATH project will help us understand why the rates are so high in the region and, more importantly, to develop strategies which deal with those underlying causes and significantly reduce those rates.”

The geography of cancer is of particular interest to Dr. Parker, who came to Halifax in 2006 from England’s Newcastle University. “In Nova Scotia, there are areas where radon is found in high levels in the ground,” she notes. “There are also areas where arsenic leaches into the groundwater. I’m studying how these exposures affect people’s cancer risk over time.” More than studying, she is also a key member of Nova Scotia’s Advisory Group on Radon. The effects of obesity, alcohol, fast foods and household chemicals are also on Dr. Parker’s radar. “It’s not in our best interests to sit back and see what happens over time,” she says. “As we learn how various factors influence cancer risk, we must influence policy to protect people.”

A 2003 paper prepared by Karen Hayward and Ronald Coleman for Atlantic Regional Office of Health Canada discusses the health of Atlantic Canadians within social and economic factors. Low-income groups such as Aboriginal people, visible minorities, and single mothers and their children consistently have more health challenges than others in the population.  They have higher rates of smoking, poor diet, obesity, and physical inactivity, which also are symptoms of deeper underlying social and economic factors. http://www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/canada/regions/atlantic/pdf/Tides_Inequity_and_Chronic_Disease.pdf

In addition to diet, lifestyle and social factors, clearly environmental toxins account for many chronic disease of obesity, cancer, cardiovascular disease and diabetes.  The solution begins with awareness and education.  Social reform and public education in continued research to identify these environmental chemicals and lobbing government and regulatory bodies to provide more scrutiny to companies manufacturing chemicals is a global action step.   On an individual bases solutions rest within educating the public about ways to reduce the toxins in our homes and finding nutritional programs that provides affordable organic choices with a regular detoxification process.

Today many medical nutritional recommendations are based upon the ‘Canada Food Guide’ that “coincidently” is sponsored by the milk and meat marketing boards.  Current new age environments with genetically modified foods, mineral depletion from the soil,  presence of pesticides and other environmental toxins, our food source is not what it used to be.  New age environment requires new age modifications.

5 Simple New Age Strategies:

1. Eat raw and colorfully organic. (especially avoid the microwave and toxic Teflon)
2. Supplements, quality protein shakes and sunshine.
3. Nutritional cleansing and cellular detoxifying system.
4. Reduce the 5 white poisons- dairy, sugar, flour, and fat, salt.
5. Filter your water and air.

Disease begins with one cell.   Support that one cell with great nutrition, cellular regeneration and detoxification opportunities to re-create a harmonic symphony within the 50 trillion other cells in your body.    Connect with me to know which systems I love.

Dr. Dena Churchill does regular internet radio shows, wellness talks and presentations to help you Envision and Achieve Your Best.    Check out www.drdenachurchill.com/events or send an invitation for her to come speak to your group or organization dena@drdenachurchill.com .

Other resources:

Nature of Things with David Suzuki and the recent global mail article “Are chemicals or Calories making you fat” are other resources to support the obesogen research and this new understanding.  http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/health/new-health/conditions/obesity/are-chemicals-not-calories-making-us-fat/article2297775/

http://www.cbc.ca/natureofthings/episode/programmed-to-be-fat.html

Through my own personal journey, treating thousands of patients and in coaching hundreds of individuals and couples , I have discovered the areas of resistance within the relationship holds the greatest insights for your own personal growth of learning to love. How do we come together to find a solution that benefits us both? Is there such a thing as a compromise? Do you sacrifice what is important to you for your lover? How do you build bridges in your relationship? What is jealousy and what is its purpose? Is there a perfect partner?

This time of the year brings past reflection as old falls away and new growth happens in relationships, moving through a divine plan. Family stresses and divorce rates are higher in December and January than any other as we evaluate the New Year with a fresh perspective. There is so much to learn when you are courageous enough to dive into the deep waters of our emotional iceberg and understand what beliefs are supporting your thoughts, words and actions to make-love to the ocean of possibilities. Without looking into the waters of wisdom your next relationship may end with the same lesson. You attract same lesson until you learn to love it. Let’s triage your relationship and give you the “Love Score” of your current relationship to celebrate or re-design the year ahead.

1. Communicate clearly. What is it you love and why? Have you asked your partner what it is they love? Write it down if you don’t have the courage to say it out loud. The degree of clarity will be directly related to the length and strength of the relationship. You need the details, the list of ingredients and supplies before you can create the love nest.

A. We talk almost every day, share the highlights of our day and give each other ideas and suggestions.
B. We talk once or twice a week, one partner shares and the other listens and provide advice.
C. We rarely talk and when we do it ends in emotion.

2. Treat your lover as your best friend. Best friends are independent and fearless in sharing their heart and remind you of yours when you’ve forgotten. They are there for you unconditionally. These are the relationships that last forever, regardless of the marriage status. The couple may not always be lovers but this friend bond is a sharing of a kindred spirit of mutual respect and understanding.

A. My partner and I enjoy time together or apart with others.
B. We have mostly couple’s friends and we enjoy spending time with them.
C. We don’t spend much time together and he/she doesn’t like my friends.

3. Take pleasure in your partner’s successes. Unconditional love is not jealous. If your child scored in their hockey game, won an award or found a friend that is really helping them achieve their goals would you be jealous? This unconditional love comes from a soulful place within you that knows love can neither be lost nor gained but grown deeper with loving care. When you are fulfilled within yourself you spill it out to share it with others. The area you feel you are lacking within yourself is the perceived area of abundance in your partner to which you will be jealous. For example if you do not love your job you will resent your husband for loving his and be jealous of all the work related opportunities. If you are not fulfilled in your family life you will be jealous of the time your partner spends with their family. If you are not fulfilled in your sexuality, then you may be jealous of theirs.

A. I rejoice and take pleasure in my partner’s successes. When they are joyful, so am I.
B. I support most of my partner’s endeavors, even the ones that make me angry.
C. My partner is often boasting about knowledge, success in business and relationships and this infuriates me.

4. Love them by giving them support and challenge. The people pleasers – “yes honey”, “ok honey”, “and no problem honey”- will set up resentment within their partner. We all thrive in authentic communication. Parents or partners that only give positive or negative comments will create a child or spouse that has little self confidence. This artificial environment is felt and the person feels weak and unworthy of the truth. We try to fill a bucket when we perceive it empty. See your partner’s brilliance and understand that they need both your compliments and criticisms to be fully balanced. A bucket over flowing with compliments tips over! You do more of a disservice to the relationship by putting that person on a pedestal or the reverse of constantly removing water with your criticisms. True love communicates eye to eye and heart to heart.

A. I ask my partner if they would like my honest opinion, and I usually deliver it on a balanced tactful plate of positive and negatives.
B. I sometimes will tell my partner how I really feel, but I am often afraid of how they will react.
C. I can never speak my mind for fear of what it would mean to our relationship. I feel like I am under a microscope and always walking on egg shells.

5. Trust in a matrix that balances love. What you put into a relationship you will get back. This doesn’t mean sacrificing the things that are important to you for the other person. Truly following the above steps, attending to your desires equally to your partners and linking them towards a shared vision is the art of love making. Write out your top ten life goals and exchange lists with your partner, each of you taking on the responsibility of how you can help the other be list fulfilled.

A. I give to myself, what I give to them. I love, honor and respect their desires as if they were my own.
B. In giving to my partner, I sometime feel like I am sacrificing what is important to me.
C. I give them everything and there is no way to please them.

Rating Yourself with the above choices: A= 3points B=2 points C=1 point
What is your Love Score?

A score of 15 = You are living true love, in that you love you as much as you love your partner. Caring to communicate your desires with them and live out your destiny as a divine couple.

A score 10-15= You know what ideal love is and you are learning to love yourself as much as you love your partner. You still haven’t grasped the concept that love is both positive and negative. When you are speaking from your heart and being authentic regardless of whether you are liked or disliked, you have the courage to love. To only give support weakens the structure. Plants, puppies and partners that have some challenge grow stronger. Daily Affirmation for this score is: “Love is neither positive nor negative but encompasses all. True love is being authentic and speaking from my heart.”

A score of 5-10= You are struggling in your relationship. The key to success lies within the ability to know and love you. What is it that you love? Why are you not going after it? Instead of blaming your spouse, love them for who they, understand their values are different than yours. Honor the divine spirit that you are and fearlessly let your light shine upon the world. Say this affirmation to yourself every day… “I love and honor the divine spirit that I am and I am fearlessly letting my light shine upon the world. I love and honor that others are doing the same. I am love and with this I attract more love into my life. ”

I trust that you find some wisdom within these words to enable you to see the perfection in you and your relationship. To understand that you are each a living expression of a divine intention, here on earth at this time to learn greater depths of love. Act now with this faith, confidence and belief to manifest an amazing love-making opportunity with the unique universal expression of you…and your partner as your own reflection! If you need additional information visit www.loveyourdivorcesite.com, www.drdenachurchill.com or book a live or virtual coaching session with me dena@drdenachurchill.com

Thank you for reading. I look forward to your comments. If you like this article, please consider sharing it with those who are seeking their beloved.

The glory of creation is tested with breastfeeding that lowers the mothers sex drive, a father that notices the sexual gap and the sleepless nights and tired days. The time and responsibilities of this new joy can become overwhelming. Unlike any nine to five job you have ever experienced, this one is twenty- four seven and demands all your attention. “The job description must have gotten lost in the mail and hey, didn’t this miracle come with a manual J Where am I?”

As the family grows so does the ‘marriage’, together or apart. It matures into shared tasks and often the parents are so focused on the next diaper change, maternity leaves or the weekly soccer practise that they move further away from the person they married. The test of segregation and the tempest to divorce begins to emerge. Initially, you are so busy with the kids that you do not even notice your spouse. Until one day you awake and feel as though you are laying next to a stranger. “AAAHHHHHH Who is this person in my bed? Did they really look and act like that when I married them?” The moment of choice- continue to consummate or further segregate?

This is a familiar story in my coaching practise with couples. Inspired by today’s coaching session my purpose is to let you know you are not alone and to suggest the 5 steps to relationship recovery. The 911 answers of How to I rekindle your marriage?

1. Know what it is that you love. There is no possible way to effectively communicate to your spouse unless you can articulate what it is that you need, want and love. As mothers and fathers we often put our own needs and desires aside for the children and family, that we lose the joy of who we really are. This is often a stumbling block for many as they have put off what they love, listening to some outside authority of family, friends, spouse, religious or government organization that they have forgotten what gives them joy. Look back beyond the current smoke and mirror existence to when you were ten years old and find that “joie de vive” activity that you did before someone told you couldn’t. Did you paint? Play an instrument? Coach and counsel your friends? Play a sport? Sing? Dance? Visit the sick? Volunteer? Camp and fish? Read or write? Find this joy. Own it and articulate it. Know thyself.

2. Know what it is that your partner loves. Who are they? What is their favourite hobby? What activity will caress their spirit of unconditional love (soul). How can I connect with them? Know thy spouse.

3. Make space to connect. Once you have sorted out these joys then make an overnight date to consummate the ideas in mental , physical and spiritual form. Get to know your spouse all over again, ask them the questions you have asked yourself, fall in love with the idea of the journey together sharing who you are with each other. Move out of your current physical space to an inspiring location for you both. Surround yourselves with fresh water, Italian wine, beautiful views, music, erotic smells, satin sheets, slippery lotions and potions or special lingerie – whatever that picture looks like for you both to put you in a mind and body frame to discover your hearts. This process needs all your attention so eliminate any distractions!

4. Exchange love lists! This is the creative weaving of love to a shared vision. Write down the ten items you wish to accomplish or things you love to do that gives you joy and purpose. Be limitless in allowing these ideas to flow from the deepest depths of your soul into your pen out onto the paper. Pretend there is no cost, no geographical distance, no time barriers to hold you back. Put your mind away and set your heart free. Create your fantasy life love list and encourage your partner to do the same, then switch lists! Don’t worry what the other will think. Your judgements of them will give you insights into the parts of life you have not yet loved , so note well and use it as self study. Your partner is responsible to come up with a plan of how they can help you get to where you wish to go and you get to creatively design the path of helping them obtain their top ten. Time and space do not exist in a heart of love, so relax and enjoy the process- you will have a lifetime or two to complete this exercise.

I worked with a heterosexual couple in a relationship where the man loved to have sex a few times a day and the female didn’t wish to accommodate this item so they had reached an impasse. It was left up to her to provide a solution. Her resolve was to set him up as a guest star with others a few times per week to accommodate his appetite. While not meeting his full requirement this solution seemed to be one that worked for them both . They have a beautiful marriage with love, honour and respect of each other’s values and are living lovingly ever after.

5. Follow through. Understand that the process is never complete. It requires constant attention and refining. Make a vision board and keep refining the process. Love grows with more love. If you hold your shared intention into growing a lifetime in love, then you will give your relationship the attention it requires to sustain and flourish. Book regular date nights to update and re-charge your battery. It is your ‘quality assurance check in’ with the vision to be sure you are both on the same path. Keep fuelling the fire with love and it burns for an eternity.

“Communication is not what you say, but what is congruent. Words aligned with thoughts and actions penetrate a powerful vibration of love. The philosophy is communicating within another’s values in a form they understand; The science is linking your values to what you both love; The art is discovering what that love is.” ~ Dr. Dena Churchill

Throughout our recent history, the flux of opinion around divorce no doubt reflects the magnitude of personal emotion; changes in the status of family, friends and finances. It challenges our societal definition of family. In many countries divorce was even illegal for a significant period of time! It wasn’t until the 1960 did Canada legalize divorce. Previously the only option in Canada to get a marriage dissolved was by an Act of Parliament with an investigation by a special committee of the Canadian Senate! To later follow their Canadian neighbours, the USA instituted no-fault divorces that were easily obtainable in 1970’s. Ireland’s transformation is even more recent. On February 27, 1997 the country of Ireland joined the rest of Europe in making divorce legal when it passed an amendment ending the country’s constitutional divorce ban. Until the legalization, couples had to find creative ways to secure annulments.

If the religious doctrines forbade divorce and the government deemed it illegal could this not contribute to the feelings of guilt, shame and blame around the whole process? What if ,as in any universal balance, half will stay married and half will not? Imagine divorce rates in a perfect world to be 50%. It may be that some stay when they would love to leave and vice versa but the theoretical balance would be about half. Perhaps the resistances to this natural flow with the suppression of divorce for years is paradoxically pushing the pendulum in the other direction. We could theorize this suppression and recent liberty gives fuel to the rise in current divorce rates.

The ancient Athenians liberally allowed divorce. The person requesting the divorce approached the magistrate who deemed the reasons were sufficient and it was granted. The Roman empires civil law embraced the maxim, “matrimonia debent esse libera” (“marriages ought to be free”), and either husband or wife could renounce the marriage at will. It wasn’t until the fall of the Roman empire that familial life was regulated more by the ecclesiastical authority than its civil counterpart.

By the ninth or tenth century, the divorce rate had been greatly reduced under the influence of the Christian Church, which considered marriage a sacrament by God and Christ and Divorce was not. From my research, the countries that have the least Christian influence appear to have the highest divorce rates, even today.

Evaluating your history and understanding the unconscious motives gives you insight into why you are here. I wrote a book to answer the question of where you go next. I titled the book Divinity in Divorce to juxtapose our ideas of what our society considers a sacrament. Courageous, truth seekers have found it useful to understand a broader perspective seeking unbound solutions with love and grace. To understand the problem we must rise above the current paradigm and dig below to the unconscious motives to escape the paradox in which they exist.

‎We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them. ~ Einstein

You can never awaken using the same system that put you to sleep in the first place. ~ Gurdjieff

The emotional pain in my own divorce sparked my inspiration to seek love and gratitude in the process. The diamond of a marriage may be in a jewellery box but the diamond of divorce is buried within our own heart. Once your mind opens to see the blessing, your heart opens to love and grace for what is present, reaching new levels of consciousness.

“Want” is a lower vibration than “Love”. Do what you love and trust others are doing the same. Wanting a square peg to fit in your round hole doesn’t work well. Only the partner you truly love, communicating within their values, loves you back.

Sacred union does not comprehend the word capture (marriage) or release(divorce). The commitment is to each other’s spiritual growth; to enhance the gifts they each bring to the world and to assist in uncovering our authentic selves. Being with each other in physical life beautifully reflects each other’s spiritual consciousness. The concepts of marriage and divorce are simply a way to put this union on legal paper but in or out of a marriage, true love is eternal.

If we operate with the premise that it is our mind that creates our Reality, then to command the mind is the magic that controls our destiny to any miraculous result—the colloquial “Law of attraction.”

Our health, finances, family and career are byproducts of our thoughts. It is first the imagined that grooms our actions that lead to a realistic results. So who changes this? Where do feelings and emotions interfere? How do we get to where we want to go?

“Handle thought like a rapier in a fencing match. Feint, parry and thrust with delicate precision and learn to listen as if for the chime of a crystal bell borne on the soft winds from a hundred miles away.” – Anonymous

Step one is to focus your thoughts by writing down your dreams and loves. It is liberating to put your heart out there on a platter as the fertile soil for growth. This is yours to share, and let not anyone or anything tell you different. Your flashing billboard will attract others moving in the same direction.

Step two: understand that we create our own obstacles. Blame and shame unto others are for the weak. Strength is in knowing we are all connected by the same spirit and taking responsibility for our choices.

Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your Consent.” I would like to expand on this thought: that others are brought to us to reflect our own insecurities so that we may learn. The perceived obstacles are our opportunities! Capture them!

Step three: Understand your emotions, embracing them as part of the path to find a balance. This is where the “body-mind work” of chiropractic, massage, yoga, energy healing, Qigong, acupuncture, and psychology are helpful in releasing stored unresolved emotion for processing. The body is the temple of our mind and heart so it holds the past, present and the future. What you have not loved, recognized in yourself and are grateful for, you will wear in stagnant energy or disease. You must see it all perfect just as it is.

Let’s review. We have our soul map of what we love and the direction we are travelling to the future. We understand processes that release emotions in the body and mind to bring clarity and grace in this moment. Liberation, learning, love and growth in ourselves and in our world—is This not the miracle we all seek?

Dr. Dena G Churchill discusses the relationship between Chiropractic and Yoga.
By Dr. Dena G Churchill

The philosophical basis of these two disciplines provides a symbiotic relationship that I would love to explore with you. Understanding these founding principles may expand your mind. Therefore: Warning! Continue reading with caution.

Chiropractic is one of the largest primary contact health care professions in Canada, with over 7,000 practicing chiropractors treating 4.5 million Canadians annually with drug free, non-invasive, hands-on care. Chiropractors assess disorders related to the spine, nervous system, and joints of the extremities and diagnose and treat these disorders.

The primary goal of chiropractic manipulation, also referred to as adjustment, is to treat areas of decreased movement in the joints. Manipulation reduces pain, increases joint function, and improves overall health.

Chiropractic was founded by David Palmer in 1895 in Davenport Iowa, but he hailed from Port Perry Ontario. Imagine—this international discipline was first of all a Canadian phenomenon!

In the West, Yoga is a growing physical practice of stretching and breathing, but for many in the East it is a spiritual practice of mind and body. India has 800 million people who practice yoga, and many anticipate similar numbers in the West as our international consciousness expands.

Yoga is derived from prehistoric roots via Hindu philosophy. The earliest accounts are in the Indus Valley civilization (3,000-1,700 BC). “Yogi glyptics” (carved pictures on artifacts) shows figures in a meditation posture depicting ritual, discipline and concentration. Early commentaries on yoga practices called “tapas” are referenced in the Rig Veda, the earliest of the Hindu scriptures.

So how are Yoga and Chiropractic complimentary? I do not know of any research that has double-blinded this relationship. These are simply my own personal ideas and beliefs after studying and practicing both.

Alignment 1. Philosophically, both rest in the constitutional foundation that the nervous system is the carrier of innate wisdom, and that with proper alignment in the spine, a person moves closer to optimizing their health potential.

Anatomy update: The central nervous system (the brain, spinal cord and nerve roots) is protected by the bones of the skull and vertebrae of the spine. Nerve innervations to every cell, tissue, organ and organ system can be traced to this central “fuse box.” Obstacles that present challenges to this flow of energy through the nervous system affect the connection between the mind and the body.

Alignment 2. Sharing a respect for the wisdom of the body and its ability to heal itself, Chiropractic and Yoga are tools that empower the individual to reach greater potential: hosting healing but celebrating the individual’s journey.

Alignment 3. Both embrace health as a combination of physical, mental and spiritual wellbeing. Both understand that all three components are connected in a “quantum paradigm” in which “all affects all.”

Alignment 4. Breath is the energy that assists in alignment. Whether breathing through an asana (yoga posture) or taking a deep breath and releasing it with a chiropractic adjustment, this principle of trust, release and align is a common theme.

Alignment 5. The yoga postures themselves are a fine example of Proprioceptive neuromuscular facilitation or PNF stretching. They follow a neurological principle that with contraction of an antagonistic muscle the opposite and opposing one must relax.

Alignment 6. Both maintain strength and flexibility, the push and pull—a duality that allows for balance. Balance in the body for the beginners and balance in life for the spiritual seekers in both practices.

As a rookie yogi and a veteran chiropractor, I value this union as useful in our growth and expansion on the planet. Chiropractic may take a yoga practitioner further in his asanas, and yoga practice may further expand and maintain a structural alignment that a chiropractic adjustment creates. Seek your own truth, find your own patterns, and enjoy the journey.

In our limited perception of the material world, what are the proportions of a sexy woman? Is it 36 inch breasts, 24 inch waist and a 30 inch hips, or is it a 24-20-24 or perhaps 32-24-32? What are the accepted current proportions? Is she a tanned tall blond caucasian or a smaller brunette oriental supermodel? Depending on the culture and the individual preferences these numbers and tastes will vary. Ladies, must your sexy man have biceps and a firm buttock? These are some features that our society promotes as sexy. There is much time and money spent in cosmic surgery and photo enhancements to achieve these “ideals”. I applaud and honour an individual’s choice to change their physical appearance when it comes from a place of self-loving and not self-loathing. You have to love it before you can let it go. The gauge I use when coaching patients is to flush out fantasies, for in holding on to an unreal expectation is what causes pain. You will wrinkle, your weight will fluctuate, there will be good and bad skin days, at times your hair will feel course and limp, your breast will sag and your buttock will not be far behind The power of you is that you have the ability to be the best that you can be. To shine your sexy, allowing your light to radiate outwards and at the same time permits another light to enter in.

Let’s take a journey now into greater proportions, winding through the alluring beauty of the mind, body and the spirit. An holistic approach embraces all levels of beauty. The mind and body proportions are the golden mean ratio of symmetry into the spirit of sexy. The mind releases chemicals to stimulate and arouse the physical body just as much as the body is also a vessel of enchantment for the mind. Have you ever been with a lover that is so preoccupied with their appearance that they pause to flex their muscles and look at themselves in the mirror during lovemaking? On the other hand, a lover may be so intellectually preoccupied that they forget to shower and use duct tape to repair the crack in their eye glass frames? The mind and body balance point is the key to sexy. When you love and care for yourself and feel sexy, envisioning and achieving your personal best you attract others with the same mindset to love your sexy too. It is your perception of yourself that others see. Sexy is seen in your posture, your invitation to your environment and your certainty that you love you.

Sexy is whatever YOU love it to be. A man with biceps in a T-shirt and jeans washing dishes; hot hunk in a suit hopping around a stage with a beautiful buttock ; eyes that mirror eternity; thongs, heels, hose and short skirts; stimulating conversation; a sense of humour; a particular scent; silk, satin, leather, lace, lotions, potions, powders and things that may vibrate or go pop in the night! Whatever it is, try it on your uninhibited self and share it to find your sexy. In a union of spirit, you share your energy molecules with others as they feed on your orgasm of life. There is energy in your pheromones, energy in your eyes, energy in your posture and movements, energy in your voice, energy in your passion, energy in your breath. You will attract others of a similar energy vibration, so be what you love. Sexuality is an expression of your spirituality, so cherish it in this sacred space.

“Breath is essentially an aspect of a person’s soul. When breath is commingled through passionate kissing, the two souls unite.” Yehuda Berg

Last year, my photographer was assuring me of photo magic on a wrinkle and mole I was wishing to disappear. Apparently, because my eyes were out of focus and the depth of field was off, the photo highlighted my forehead wrinkles. “If your eyes were in focus the other details would have fallen softly out of focus and would not be a problem.” The photographer called my forehead wrinkle and my chin mole a technical issue based on his focus and depth of field. Profound. The physical appearance was just a technical issue based on focus and depth of vision!! When you focus into celestial eyes, all you see is beauty. The sexy sense goes beyond the temporary physical covering but into the depth of the eternal soul. As Confucius states, from this soulful place everything has beauty but not everyone sees it. Do you see your sexy?

Stimulate the body and you capture desire; stimulate the mind and you capture attention; but touch the heart and you caress the beauty of soul . ~Dena Churchill

We all do the best with what we know and have in the moment. The infatuation of your own actions creates resentment and judgments in others. (“I always try to act kind but they are mean”)

I will be perceived as kind and unkind but I am love is the only truth. (Being worthy of love puts it into the duality.)

The best we can do is to be ourselves and not lay judgment on others, even through the guise of self exploration:)). Use your words to be clear about your one-sided perceptions and to state what you love is the only solution. Clarity.

Would you truly love me if you judge my actions? Yes, this too is love. But divine love goes out to a different layer of love and understanding.

I could go on with a kind and unkind list of mine but it would be different than yours. We sometimes label unkind when we don’t love it within ourselves, perhaps there something you haven’t admitted doing..guilt or you can see the form of your “unkindness”. We judge it until we own it! We are most critical of that quality in others that we are denying within ourselves. ” Kind or cruel”, but be rest assured it is love. Try to see the loving intention behind the action and it dissolves the judgment.

If you will explain to me what you perceive as unkind then we can have a discussion about this and I will change my behavior in honoring your request. These are the words of a prophet!

Come out and ask me straight out why I acted in a certain way, you may be surprised at my loving intention I’ll remember to ask you too. It is in this clarity, that we find a divine love and understanding.

A lady e-mails me last week asking me for resources in the community to support her in her recent diagnosis of breast cancer. She had heard a talk I did a few years ago and felt that I was the person to help her. When she arrived to the office I asked her why she chose me to walk this journey with her. Her reply was that I appeared to be a woman on purpose with a certainty and clarity in my mission. I write the following entry to honor this inspirational gift.

The body symptoms are the map of where we must travel mentally to find the spirit of love and healing. Read on and I’ll take you with us on a journey from the body into the mind. The mind can be a dark scary place to be on your own, so stay close. When you are frozen or locked into a certain fear, it is difficult to find your way out alone.

I begin a coaching session with a 5 minute meditation to clear my mind before the client arrives. I summarize my intention of the session and ask my client for their story of “why are you here?” and “what is your intention?”.

Many of my mentors and colleagues talk about dissolving the story and the emotions but knowing a little of the cave of illusion is the path to discovering the diamond. By listening to the words, taking notes of key phrases, the tone of the voice, their expressions, the eye contact and the body movements , you determine the puzzle pieces and how to help your client assemble them into a path of purpose. The diamond is buried in the layers of illusion and emotion, knowing the “story” focuses your attention on where you need to chisel first. I had a wise College professor who said….”80 percent of your diagnosis is in what the patient will tell you, so for God sake listen”. Listen not only to words but to what those words reflect in the grander scheme of life and love.

This lady had come to me because she was attracted to my apparent sense of clarity and purpose. She remembered my name and found me, years after the event. She can’t remember my talk but I appeared to be a lady that knew what I loved. Why did she remember this?

She is a health care provider working with Cancer patients every day but feeling trapped in the traditional medical model. Vowing to get out, she says to herself “two more years, and I’m gone”. My question to her is “out of what and into what is next?” At this point she has not written the ‘what- is- next plan’ according to what she loves. The universe is making it so that she will be OUT but the choice now of what’s next, is hers to design. There is a trinity of choice in this blessing of cancer, as it is there to grant her wish. Option 1. kick off and die 2. manage the illness for years 3. Use this as a catalyst to put her purpose into practice and live her loving service. Many assume the 3rd option is what we all would love but in truth some wish to die so why try to stop them? Judgments burn holes in opportunities to teach. I trust that when you give others an inspired option, they choose it. I present it as a option, honor their path, unattach from the outcome and focus on giving my loving service.

We start with the surface immediate fears and dissect them . By asking specific questions we come to the profound truth that if they occured, the situation would be no better or worse than life is at this moment. Fears of metastasis, fear of death, fear of financial loss, fear of leaving the family, fear of being sick and alone are the usual concerns that pop up to the surface. If you find the perceived blessing in the perceived crisis, the fear disappears! This is the magic in the mystery of the unknown. The shackles have been loosened to melt the frozen mind lock , to allow her just enough time to escape and find the way to her heart. ” Imagine Ms. client that you have only two weeks now left to live what would you do?” (If you suggest 24 hours she will spend it with her family, 1 week and she will include her friends but two weeks she’ll have time to reach beyond her circle to start a service for the planet.)

I reserve some of the details to preserve client confidentiality but as with any breast condition, I have seen there is unresolved emotion with the parental figures, feelings of lack of nuture and a disconnect from their own hearts desires. In the few dozen women I have coached through this particular cancer, they have lost sight of what they truly love in attempting to listen to some voice of authority outside of themselves. I asked her to discover what she loves by assessing her current environment and remembering the vitality of youth. (see my blog entry entitled ” Your Purpose Is Birthed With You But Vision is Refined with Time” for more details)

She is attracted to me because I appear to have what she is seeking- a purpose. I have attracted her to be reminded of my service and purpose in the world. There is a beautiful perfection in the shared inspiration. As we are closing the door of fear and opening hearts of love she breaks into grateful tears. For several moments she can not speak and the reflected tears in my eyes , lump in my throat and warmth in my heart signals the spirit of love and healing has arrived. We have discussed death and disease, fears and doubts but what opens her heart is the discovery that she feels she is on the edge of utter joy!! Joy? This is a lady that is diagnosised with Cancer and is at the edge of joy? Yes it is as if God is asking her to step inside and now she hears the invite.

Ironically, she has been through the usual resources trying to find an authority. Today she is the resource and her own authority and with all certainty this lady will survive and thrive through the blessing of Cancer.

Ms. Client, thank you for the opportunity to work with you and to share our story. To those who are reading this post, the moral of the story is…. listen for the call, find the door and open it before the Universe gives you a push!