One of the greatest gifts you can give yourself this year is one of improved health and vitality.

Besides looking better naked, WHY do we need a detoxification program? Is it possible now through science to see that repairing and regenerating your cells helps you stay younger longer in a stronger, fit, energetic body? Could your symptoms including acne, diabetes, obesity, eczema, heartburn, behavioral problems, irritable bowel, high cholesterol, blood pressure and many others be related to a toxic internal environment? Do many of our pharmaceuticals just mask the symptoms? All aboard who are taking this health journey with us? Over the next 30 days, I will do a weekly blog featuring general foundational principles of Nutritional Cleansing and detoxifying your body.

WHAT exactly is a Nutritional Cleanse/ detox program and how much does it cost? Just like cleansing your skin removes impurities, nutritional cleansing is the process of eliminating wastes and toxins from the cells, organs, and the bloodstream. This is done through a change to cleansing foods, eliminating processed sludge-producing foods, and adding a series of important cleansing skills to your daily regimen. Generally there is no significant added cost but the reallocation of your food funds into smaller amounts and healthier choices.

Nutritional Cleanse tip Day 1: Smile without the Sugar!

Obesity, diabetes, heart disease, overweight, candidacies, and tooth decay are some of the long list of painful motivators to avoid this white poison of refined sugar. Sugar taxes our pancreas; plays with blood sugar levels affecting fatigue and mood; feeds cancer cells, bacteria, yeast and elevates triglycerides. Some of the symptoms of too much sugar maybe fatigue, bloating, foul smelling gas, bad breath, night sweats, headache, joint pain, weight gain, acne, increased urination, craving for sweets, vaginal yeast problems of other fungal infections, weakened immune system, high cholesterol and high blood pressure. We are born liking the sweet taste so reading labels and consciously making smarter choices gives you a bigger longer lasting smile. Nearly all processed foods contain sugar because it tastes good; it is cheap preservative and will keep customers eating like pigs. It is not added to promote your health. Sugar comes in many forms so on an ingredient label list look for the word “sugar” (cane sugar); the word “syrup” ( sorghum or corn syrup are some examples); a word ending in “old” (like manitol or sorbitol), “ose” (glucose, dextrose, sucrose) or any word containing the word “malt” (maltodextrine).

Stevia, xylitol, raw honey and agave are healthy options with a low glycemic options that contain minerals, vitamins and antioxidants that give you energy, taste sweet, are low on the glycemic index but won’t give you the health challenges of refined sugars. Maple syrup, evaporated cane juice and blackstrap molasses are still healthier than refined sugar but higher on the glycemic index than the sweeteners above and may produce a higher spike in blood sugar.

Nutritional Cleanse Tip Day 2: Water Works!

Water makes up more than two thirds of human body weight, and without water as a universal solvent, we would die in a few days. The human brain is made up of 95% water, blood is 82% and lungs 90%. A mere 2% drop in our body’s water supply can trigger signs of dehydration: short-term memory trouble and difficulty focusing on smaller print, such as a computer screen. (Are you having trouble reading this? Drink up!) Mild dehydration is also one of the most common causes of daytime fatigue.

Coffee, tea, soda are acidic diuretics so they leech your bones of calcium and your body of water. One glass of orange juice is 4 oranges… too much sugar. Drink your water, eat your fruit. Most experts recommend 8-10 oz glasses of filtered water per day (chlorine is also acidic). Add a little fresh squeezed lemon juice, apple cider vinegar or cucumber for a beautiful “basic” twist! I have heard many patients over the years claim that apple cider vinegar helped their arthritic pain, likely because of this acid-base balancing. Drink water between meals so you don’t dilute your digestive enzymes. Visit the water calculator link here to be sure your water is working for you.

http://www.csgnetwork.com/humanh2owater.html

Nutritional Cleanse/Detoxification Tip Day 3: Exorcise with Exercise!

Exercise can improve your mood, energy, stamina and sex life. How many more reasons do you need to get moving? OK here’s a few more, it helps protect you from heart disease, stroke, high blood pressure, diabetes, obesity, back pain, osteoporosis, enhances brain function and help manage stress. As little as three hours a week of brisk walking has been shown to halt, and even reverse, the brain atrophy that begins to occur after age 40.

Q: In a detoxification program, why is moderate exercise 20-40 min/day essential?

A: The lymph system doesn’t have a pump so your body depends on skeletal muscle contraction to liberate, circulate and eliminate toxins. Exorcize the toxic demons with Exercise!

There are as many different exercise routines that are effective, the key is to find a regular program you ENJOY that moves all body parts, incorporates strength, endurance and flexibility. Yoga, resistance training and jogging are some of my personal favorites. However you love to Rumba your Rumpa!

Nutritional Cleanse/ Detox Tip Day 4: Rid the accumulated toxins and avoid putting in more!

Where are these toxins? They are found in our air, our water, our soil, our foods and plastic containers. Could the fumes from your cleaning supplies be affecting your memory? Are your lead lipstick and mercury fillings making you sick? Do pesticides in your food make you fat? Yes, Yes and yes all of the above are true but the good news is that, as our environment and our bodies are becoming more toxic, our science is discovering better ways to regenerate and detoxify. In today’s environment it is essential to have a method to reduce the toxic load. Reduce toxins by; filtering your water and air, eating organic foods; avoiding plastic containers and processed foods; use environmentally friendly cleaners and make-up and avoid aerosol sprays.

It’s easy to believe that toxins are assaulting us on all fronts, but the worst toxins are often within. Worry is a toxin, envy is a toxin, self-loathing and fear and free-floating anxiety are all poisonous to our health. ~ Anna Johnson. Take action today!

Nutritional cleansing is a way of life, encompassing a more conscious mindful way of eating. If we just listen to our taste buds, perhaps we’d all be eating donuts and having soda for breakfast. The sugar and salt enchants your taste buds and the hit of caffeine will cause you to go back again and again for the same pleasure. Remember for every pleasure there is a pain, in the case of poor nutrition it may be the cumulative silent killer of an unhealthy lifestyle that will cost us our health. Real food gives you an accurate feedback system to prevent overeating without the addictive chemicals. For example, you would never overeat on a bag of organic carrots. Knowledge is providing the information, wisdom is integrating healthier choices into your life. Eat to live not live to eat.

“The doctor of the future will give no medication, but will interest his patients in the care of the human frame, diet and in the cause and prevention of disease.” ~ Thomas A. Edison

To know more visit my website at http://www.drdenachurchill.com. E-mail me dena@drdenachurchill.com for your personal consultation or just follow my daily face book tips to create a new YOU! http://www.facebook.com/DrDenaC?fref=ts.

An article and infidelity poll by Stephany Alexander quotes 45-55% married women and 50-60% of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time or another in their relationship. The actual data was not available for review so I question the reporting methods and definition of cheating, but it does suggest that the numbers are approximately equal.

Perhaps men are more likely to boast about their extramarital affairs than women, so the scores are slightly elevated. For women, it may be more of a social taboo so it goes under reported. Does cheating have to involve extramarital sex or could it also be spending secret intimate time with another without your spouse knowing?

Men have larger sex centers in their brain so perhaps they go for the sexual field goal while the language centre in women inhabits both hemispheres, so perhaps their cheating comes in the form of talking sexy and emotionally caressing her affair. In any case, I do believe that the numbers are close to 50/50 and just as many women cheat as men, although the forms may be slightly different.

How is it that we define cheating? Wikipedia defines Infidelity (colloquially known as cheating, adultery or having an affair) as the breach of an expectation of sexual and or emotional exclusivity. If we can undress the emotions of blame, shame and anger for a moment, let’s get naked to the core beliefs and ideas that are being challenged within Infidelity. Infidelity is simply a breach of an exclusivity clause in the spoken or understood contract. So if a couple doesn’t commit to exclusivity in the physical or emotional realm then then is there no opportunity for infidelity?

Currently, I’m coaching a client who arrives at her home to catch her husband of 24 years, in their matrimonial bed with another woman. No matter how open you are or what terms you’ve agreed upon in your relationship, this surprise situation for most people will likely raise a few hairs on the back of your neck.

Your life in this situation, may feel like it was put in a blender and with just a breath you can move into different textures of emotion- puree to chop, to slice and dice without any warning. You may be laughing in one minute then crying the next. If this is you, stay with me, I know the information I’m about to present will give you back blender button control! What I am about to share is the 5 Steps to Process a Cheating Spouse: (A solution without burning your bed and castrating your husband.)

Step 1

Label and understand the emotions you are feeling. Is it anger? Hurt? Betrayal? I believe you are delivered from the emotion by labeling it, exploring into it and understanding why it is there. If you write a story for each emotion it slows the blender choices and gives us material for the dissection we are about to perform. STOP now and go write your story, I’ll go sharpen the saw for the surgery we are about to perform.

Anger is often the first feeling that comes up. Shock and disbelief with the perspective shift that the universe is requiring your brain to register. Any time we are faced with new information that shakes up our box and interrupts our paradigm it creates anger. We resist and deny it because the concept is unfamiliar. This new ideas cause us to question, evaluate our previous mindset. Could we have been wrong the whole time?

In scientific evaluation, making a key discovery often then leads to other questions of whether to accept or reject the idea based on the evidence. We go through these mental steps evaluating the situation. If we reject the idea and assume your spouse is not cheating then the flow chart processing is over. If there is significant evidence and or if the spouse admits to infidelity then we package up the anger and add it to the baggage.

Why are you angry? Is it because you are feeling betrayed? Is it that you don’t see where you are cheating in your form with another person? Is it that you are jealous of the intimacy that your spouse is sharing with another? Do you somehow feel responsible because you haven’t been there for the person in the way they wanted? Do you perceive loss of trust? Are you feeling inferior? Once you start unpacking your thoughts and feelings you unleash the inner most fears.

Betrayal is the next emotion that often comes up in a coaching session. The spouse has expected their mate to be exclusive to them and what is worse is that they feel the sacred bond of trust has been broken. The first time I heard John Demartini say no one is ever loyal to you but loyal to their values, I thought him to be a cold hearted sugar daddy without a true understanding of love. But the more I explored this idea of value seeking souls communicating with each other, I see truth in these evolutionary steps to grow, learn and love on more profound levels.

Step 2
Seek to understand why.

Rising above your own personal fears and doubts to truly love the person, you want to understand them and support what is best for them, as well as honoring your needs and desires. Let’s think about a breach of trust in a child for example. Why would the child not always tell you the truth? Is it because they are pre-programmed evil to the core or is it that they see more benefit in not telling the truth? Do we as individuals reward truths or do we often take offense, reprimand and retaliate believing that it is a personal attack?

Now let’s put it back into the partner paradigm of unconditional love and ask yourself the question, honestly. Why did your spouse seek an affair and why didn’t they share the details of the relationship? Was it that he/she wasn’t having their values met and didn’t want to hurt you? Could it be that they were afraid you would leave? Could it be a loving act to be dishonest? Have you ever told a lie to your children or spouse – why did you lie?

If pride in self is too elevated you will fall and fault those around you. When you can see you have all the qualities you are accusing your spouse of having and you understand your unconscious motives, then you will see them as your reflection. You can only love another to the degree to which you love yourself. The reverse is also true, you will judge to the degree and intensity to which you are also secretly denying yourself. You feel alone when you are putting yourself above or below another. Look them straight in the heart and you connect on a soulful level for eternity. If you don’t understand why then ask, acknowledge and gratefully accept the answer from your spouse. Steven Covey says, “seek first to understand.”

Step 3
Communicate Your Needs.

If you are not sure what it is that you need from your marriage or relationship then how do you expect your spouse to know? Are you looking for a life and business partner, sexual lover, father to your kids, confident, friend? Perhaps right at this very moment there are different people filling your needs, so why would you deny your spouse the same constellation of support. If an exclusive sexual relationship is important to you and you are accommodating your partner’s needs and desires within your own paradigm then you dance together.

Years ago, I was with a partner who was traveling six months out of the year. I gave him my blessings to have his needs met on one condition…I would also have his blessing to have mine met as well! I believe we were exclusive to each other in a sexual relationship because we had discussed the fears, clearly communicated our desires and developed an outcome measure.

If you take out the emotion, marriage is like any other contract. If the contract was unclear, use this this time of chaos to re-evaluate your priorities and desires and choose develop a new plan. A relationship, like any energy form, doesn’t end but just transforms, allowing the process to enfold and trust in this universal lesson of love.

Communication is not what you say, but what is congruent. Words aligned with thoughts and actions penetrate a powerful vibration of love. The philosophy is communicating within another’s values in a form they understand. The science is linking your values to what you both love. The art is discovering what that love is.”

Step 4
Feed your desires and the jealousy of your spouse feeding theirs disappears.

When you feel whole and complete as a person you don’t feel the need to capture and hold another. You may not be able to accommodate all of your partner’s needs and desires, just as they may not be able to accommodate yours. In fact, there is a lot of pressure thinking you have to be everything for everyone. Your God given right of passage is to fulfill your own needs and desires and through this loving service be able to fulfill the needs of another giving your greater service to the world.

A spiritual relationship is coming together for the purpose to give a greater service and love at new levels. If your partner is loving more sex or intimacy and you can’t provide it, what other options would you have suggested outside of an affair? If they had come to you asking your permission to be with another in an intimate way, would you have approved? If you wanted to be the person of sexual activity and intimacy, why are you not providing it?

Don’t take it personally if your spouse is denying you at this time sexually, who is inviting you. If your spouse is providing challenge, who is coming out of the woodwork to support you? You are loved, always and forever! Holding on to one form to feel and validate this idea will be the source of your suffering. We have the option to look at this infidelity and feel victimized, or we can choose it as a opportunity to shed, grow and communicate on a new expanded level, letting go of fears and doubts to LOVE like you have never loved before. What path do you choose?

You are loved, and because of this, light you reflect and attract other love onto you. Like stars in the night sky each has their own unique frequency and vibration. The best we can do is to shine our light and love and honor when another is shining theirs. Celebrate others and surround yourself with those who celebrate you.

Cheating hurts because you take it as a personal attack, a rejection of your person. Once you understand that love is a recyclable, renewable resource and you are not attached to the form in which you receive it, then you are able to step out of your personal fears and doubts to share your heart with the universe.

Have your own affair – with yourself…. fall in love with you and instead of creating the course entitled Calling in the One/ Finding Your Soulmate, you’ll reach the understanding that the one doesn’t arrive to you but through YOU.

Love and honor your magnificent person and you will see it in everyone you meet.

But what if you associated success with increased social responsibility, more time in a greater service, bigger problems and issues of social injustice, time away from the people and places you love. Would it then change your appetite for uncharted success? To acquire a billionaire mindset, you must focus upon a vision outside yourself. When the message is greater than the messenger you lose your fears and doubts and are infused with enthusiasm, courage and strength to give your service.

As we grow, we lay witness to greater world problems, injustices to the ignorant, punishment to the poor, and negating of the naive. It is sometimes a painful lesson to learn the manipulation that occurs at every level of life. The greater you expand your influence, the greater are the doors of hidden secrets in politics, government and religion to provide challenges on a whole new level. It is not just about you, your family and community any more, it is a vision of world service- service in health, life and freedom of rights. You will begin to question who it is that you can trust and feel defeated and attacked from those that you love and respect the most. Examples of these injustices for me are: issues of sickness care that is labeled health care; the food supply that is being genetically modified creating illness in our population; our land, water and air that is being destroyed and government policies that are allowing it. Did you know that 1986 Ronald Regan passed a law to absolve vaccine companies from any injury or reaction as a result of the vaccine? My God, how can our governments remove accountability to a pharmaceutical company and at the same time mandate health promotion? Perhaps holding on to the idea of life, love, health and freedom for all, is the reason we suffer through this knowledge.

Our jails are full of those who couldn’t play by the rules yet many of the rules themselves are sometimes crimes against humanity. Our lovers, friends and families are often our judge and jury and not always are biggest supporters. Where is the justice? The pain you experience when these ideals are compromised is so great that as a reflex you almost you wish to pull away from it, to run, hide and bury your head in the sand and hope to forget what you have just learned or the faint-hearted may join the tactical team, when beating them looks like an impossibility. Stepping into success with the added responsibilities you will go through stages of denial , anger and fear until you finally reach a heartfelt place of gratitude for being alive and being graced with the opportunity to make a difference. Isn’t that, at some level, how we all define success, the ability to give a service and make a difference? In her book, The Bond, Lynn Mctaggart says the desire to give and connect is just as strong as the desires for food and sex! On some level the desire for sex seems as it should be greater, as the way to procreate our species but the two entities do have to connect first for this to happen! I’ll be back to report more on that story, once my experimentation and research is complete The sphere in which you identify, determines the level of impact you will make. Are you playing within the field or are you striving past the outfield for the home run?

How do we pull ourselves out of the crimes and sorrows of the world into hopeful success for the future? The answer is….one step at a time. Attach to the joys and the pleasure that the universe also supplies within a given crisis. Ask to see silver lining in the dark cloud and it will be revealed. Last week, for a few hours I gave up. A series of events that almost seems planned and planted to test my commitment to greater success. I wanted to go hide under the covers and bury my head, escape the turmoil and stress. So I did for a few days until the universe stepped in. Then out of the blue my sage-like son asked me to watch a movie with him that shifted my heart and perspective. A movie about defying all odds. An inspiring story of the most humble, steadfast young girl birthed to be a prophet for her people working against all odds. “Whale Rider”, is not a five star film with a billion reviews, but it was the one that provided the star I needed for inspiration last evening. Thank you son and movie producer for this blessing. Sending gratitude to the ghosts, goblins, stalkers, scammers, midnight jokers and witches of the mystical circle for the lessons in Whale Riding- I couldn’t have done it without you.

The definition of success being the fulfillment of your highest values is one that I created but unless you attach your highest values to a global service you can remain circling your egocentric “I” self instead of the worldly “we” higher self that understands we are all connected. Expanding this definition of success I’d love to add… fulfillment of your highest values in giving your greatest service. There are days when you wish to bury your head in the sand at the pity party but just listen for the quiet space of inspiration to overcome your fears and doubts. The next beach day, call out the fears of success buried in the surf in the following conversation with your fear:

Label it.
Hi which fear of you? Answer: “I’m fear of success”

Dissect it.
Can you be more specific, what is it about success that actually scares you the most? “fear of losing friends and family in the process and labels of superiority”

Place it.
Step right up and lets find out where that fear first arises. Where before in your life have you lost friends or family favour with successes? A fear is present because you perceive more pain than pleasure, more loss than gain (John Demartini). Answer: “Grade school ‘best’ awards and teachings of not thinking yourself better than anyone else”.

Neutralize it.
Somewhere you had to learn this fear, find the root and see how that event also provided you benefit and then magically you are no longer held by it. How did losing a few friends serve you or give you an advantage? How did name calling help you? How could this provide you an advantage in the future in your business or personal life. Answer: ” I lost the people who didn’t celebrate me, to make room for those who did.”

Visit my website www.drdenachurchill.com for other blog articles, archived radio shows, group or individual coaching information and media speaking samples. How can I best serve you? Here’s to your success! May you be blessed with the courage to step outside yourself to reach for the stars, envision and achieve your personal best and most of all enjoy the journey.

The following are some celebrity costs to color the page. Elin Nordegren’s divorce settlement to Tiger Woods after 6 years of marriage was $750 million and Madonna and Guy Ritchie’s settlement was $72-92 Million? Or that Rupert and Anna Murdoch settled for $1.7 billion? Reading these figures I’m kind of thinking, I married the wrong man! The media entices readers about discussing the pain and loss surrounding divorce and fortune splitting taking a place on center stage but is there a side to divorce that goes unnoticed? My book entitled, Divinity in Divorce, aims to present a quieter perspective to divorce to shift the current paradigm. Throughout my own personal divorce journey, sinking into despair, I asked God the question of how to get through this process with love and grace. Regardless of the city, circumstance or country those going through the divorce will have similar questions. A process called the Demartini Method ™ began unraveling the mystery for me and when I found the answer, I thought it would be worth sharing.

I’ve been a lifetime helping others find a blessing in their crisis but when you have lived it and eventually loved it you own a different level of understanding. Confucius says wisdom is gained through experience (the bitterest), imitation (the easiest) and reflection (the noblest) thus according to this definition, I would consider myself an authority on this subject. Divinity in Divorce attracts attention, not because it is in apparent conflict with the mandate of Christian Churches or that it is a literary masterpiece but because it offers an opportunity to reach new levels of growth by adopting a different perspective to the cost to a divorce.

If you are surrounded with literature that discusses the negative effects on children, the societal dissolution of the broken family and prayers and tears of sympathy in loved ones, then you feed the fires of frustration, loss and cost. The only way out of your circle of emotion is to jump out of your current paradigm, to find the answers within love and grace at the center of the process, learning to love it all. When both parties find this balance, it reduces legal costs, there are faster settlements, and less stress and healthier wealthier families is the result. It sounds like Tom and Katie have worked through their divorce more quickly than most, perhaps the prenuptial agreement more clearly defines the course but if you are reading this and still struggling, contact me for the express line directions to healing grace at dena@drdenachurchill.com or download my book package at www.loveyourdivorcesite.com.

The phrase broken family is a heart breaking descriptor. Who wants to hold anything that is broken? What if we look at the process as the family growing and expanding to include others? Friends that now come into the picture, step children, even other partners give your family an opportunity to learn new skills, discover new independence, and expand our horizons to new ideas. Brendon Burchard’s recent book, The Charge, discusses the passion in change. How you roll with the wave of challenges in fact, defines your character. The challenge brings you from a flat line to the summit of life. Welcoming new challenges with enthusiasm is a foundational quality of all successful high achievers. If I may continue on this purpose of pain and jump into a bit of a metaphysical rant and a religious roar, to view challenge as the universe testing our certainty and love. The pain forces us to change our behavior and re-align with our highest values. We begin to understand that holding on to an old paradigm or belief system, stunts growth and is what some religions consider the source of suffering. Courage to make a significant change is the right of passage into a more inspired life. Notice I didn’t say better life, for this too is the world’s greatest myth. The grass is not greener on the other side, it is just a different seed but it costs the same. There will still be just as many challenges outside of the divorce but they will change form. Finances, friends, child responsibilities and sexual relationships will shuffle and now your challenge after the divorce will be in a different blade of grass.

In reality the cost of a divorce will balance the benefit. To help find the center ask yourself:
* How have I benefited financially from this marriage and where will I benefit from it in divorce?
* Where has this relationship and the separation saved me money and time?
* What have I created as a result of our marriage and what am I creating as a result of the divorce?
* Am I who I am today because they are who they are?

Holding illusions of only cost and loss you are depressed. On the contrary, focus only on gains and benefits and be elated. Both illusions take energy and eventually suck the life and love out of the process. Finding the diamond in the marriage helps you rediscover it in the divorce. Love it before you leave it.

Count the cost and balance the benefit!

I have been performing in my own financial circus through divorce, loose management and poor investments. I’d thought I had the idea of abundance figured out. I believed it was this belief in what you give you receive back 10 fold, the idea of paying it forward that motivated my giving. In fact likely it is my humble, barefoot healer mentality keeps my service small. Even the cheerful giver must take the ride when it is offered and patch the hole in the bottom of her overflowing cup. The patch is the idea of fair exchange. You have to pay yourself first and replenish your resources in order to be able to give at a greater level. If you have a great message it requires a great vehicle to carry it.

One day a religious man Jack sat and watched the pouring rain and the city water levels were rising. The neighbor comes by with an SUV and calls out, “a terrible flood is coming, evacuate with us”. Jack replies, “No thanks, I am ok. Don’t worry about me. God will provide.” Then as the waters continue to rise he forced up to the second floor to escape the rising tides and another neighbor comes by with a boat and offers to take him to safety. But Jack once again replies, “No thanks. I am ok. Don’t worry about me. God will provide.” Finally as Jack is hanging onto the roof as the rest of the house is underwater, a police helicopter hoovers overhead and is ordering him to take hold of the ladder. Jack, keeping the faith, replies, “no thanks, I am ok. Don’t worry about me. God will provide”. He denies this last hope of rescue and Jack drowns. As he meets God at the pearly white gates to heaven he holds up his hands in despair. Jack cried out, hey what happened out there, you really let me down! I had faith you would save me, where were you?” “ Where was I”, God replied. “I sent you a SUV, a boat and a helicopter. Tell me- what were you waiting for?

[I could have used the name Noah in this story but even he put his hands to work and built the ark! ) Action, Action, Action is the movement that creates acceleration and the accumulation of wealth. What are you waiting for, do something today]

A recent financial course with John Demartini, helped me identify where my billions bank. Millions of dollar potential is buried into our family health, mine and the kids. Millions stored in intellectual knowledge in my head, certificates on my wall and into my book shelf. Multi Millions of potential in my practise and other speaking businesses. Millions into my social circles of personal resources. Paul Zane Pilzer says W=PxT. (Wealth equals your personal resources times the technology to share it) When you have your… “why- should-I-share-it?” the “how-do-I-do-it?” falls into your heart

STOP now for a moment and take 3 slow deep breaths, Inhale- hold for a second or two- exhale. What are your gifts to the world? What skill or service do others compliment you about? What activity do you love to do? Take these special talents and ask yourself how do I make money doing it?

The most important financial philosophy I have learned is both giving and receiving in a fair exchange. That you can only love another to the degree to which you love yourself. To give without receiving creates resentment, and to receive without giving leaves you in shame. Both of these lop-sided options affect self worth. God will provide you the gifts and tools for your wealth mission but take action today and don’t be left hanging on to the roof waiting for your ship to come in…..dive in and swim out to meet it. Are you ready for a growth spurt? How many lives do you wish to touch? Where is the team that will allow you to focus on what I do best and delegate out the rest.

My purpose in writing this article is two- fold. By putting this in print and maybe publishing it will keep me accountable to my purpose. Once I have filled my cup of inspiration the second fold is out to YOU. Perhaps you the reader may relate to my story and it may inspire you, knowing you are not alone. You could be the average spiritual Jack-of-all trades or the Adena of wealth and wisdom, the beauty is that the choice is yours. I am serving the world now in a purposeful path even in writing this article. Thank you for reading.

Simple wealth principles.

KNOW
1. Paul Zane Pilzer’s wealth equation is W=P X T. Your personal wealth equals your personal resources (your gifts or skills) times your technology (method of getting it to your consumer).

2. We are co-creators of our own reality. We live in a world of abundance. “What the mind can conceive and believe it can achieve.” When we believe in our own capacity to create wealth we don’t have to criticize, condemn or kill others for it but grow together the money tree of life and abundance. Since we have no limits on our God given mind, your wealth potential is limitless for the jack who wishes to come off the roof.

3. The single most important trait in building wealth of any form is investing in long term vision, delaying short term gratification. Whether we are talking about relationships, weight loss or amassing a fortune, the same principles apply.

DO
1. Forced savings plan, paying yourself first and incrementally increasing it will ensure your bucket stays full. This cash king wealth cushion will continue to grow. With this action, business and opportunities will come to you as you earn the right to risk.

2. Identify your values and link it to building a greater service. When the Why is big enough the how figures itself out. Develop your creative expression and share it with others. The greater the numbers you serve, in fair exchange, the greater will be your wealth.

3. If you don’t like hanging onto the roof then gratefully accept the ladder and begin climbing your tree of life, wealth and vitality. Money does grow on trees, if you plant the right seeds.
Or
If you would rather be carried in a chariot then……..“When choosing rich men, always choose the oldest one first.” Anna Nicole Smith .

E-mail me to join my database dena@drdenachurchill.com or visit www.drdenachurchill.com for more inspiration!

I have just began a course with Claire Zammit and Katherine Woodward Thomas that has me thinking about what is feminine power and how can we access it. Is it the same for us all or do we each have our own beliefs and ideas of what is feminine and masculine? Does it serve us best to integrate the two or in our paradigm-shifting world are we best served in love as nurture? I am not much of a shopper. I have larger biceps than some men. I wear pants more than dresses and I see a electrolysis for the mustache I have seemed to have acquired after the age of 40, so could a feminine power course help me to be more of a lady? As I am evaluating these ideas of feminine power, I look to the past for a glimpse of the women that made an impact and the qualities they displayed. Did the powerful women of the past have to be more masculine to make their mark? Will the new feminine powers look differently in this age?

Even though the models and beauty queens attract attention the real power is being able to integrate the male and female traits. Those that are less polarized have the ability to better communicate and move within both circles to create their vision. The masculine tends to be more external, linear, task-orientated. This is generally been attributed biologically to the thinner structure that connects both hemispheres of the brain called the corpus callosum. The feminine with a wider hemisphere connector appears to be able to multi-task better and think outside herself in a broader perspective. The more famous women in our history seem to be more androgynous in their character. It would seem that Eleanor Roosevelt, Joan of Arc, Queen Victoria, Cleopatra, Indira Gandhi and Mother Theresa would give you both a feminine kiss or a masculine kick to move into their worldly visions. They are a combination of inward and outward beauty and strength. I am imagining that the intention of the male is for protection while the female is to nurture and give life. These women are influential because they can clearly communicate their balanced intention, live authentically to their message and inspire others to their vision.

At this point, I would define feminine power as the intention to provide protection, to grow and nurture, to birth and sustain life, to provide space and to trust in the process. Perhaps this trust, in your inner voice of intuition with a universal message, is the love and wisdom of feminine power?

Stay tuned for more, as I explore…….

 The degree to which you love yourself is the degree to which you can love another.  Masturbate your heart.

Masturbate your heart.  Caress all that you love.  Is it selfish to focus on you?  Only when you full fill yourself, can your loving service overflow your heart and spill out to others.     The following article is based on three basic mind, body, and spirit paradigms of relationships.  I will use the word relationships in the broadest sense to include the relationship you have with yourself, husband-wife, wife-wife, parent-child, employee-employer or even nation-nation, as many of the same principles apply.  Emotions, judgments and communication are the binding elements in any union.

Relationships are the basic units of evolution.  It takes single cellular organisms interaction with others in the vicinity to create a community or larger organism.  It takes an egg cell meeting a sperm to create a whole being, it takes the connection between man and woman to allow the sperm and egg to meet in this dance of mitotic division.  Our evolution rests upon relationships!

Lynn Mctaggart has written a recent brilliant book called, The Bond, that discusses how we are hardwired to each other from the fundamental level of cells to whole societies.  The desire to help others is so great that we experience it as one of our chief pleasures (just as much as eating or having sex).   To succeed and prosper we must see ourselves as a part of a Great whole with a greater vision than ourselves. 

Our communication, both support and challenge is so essential to establish this bond that it exists at every level from the single cellular organisms to the collection of 50 trillion cells we call humans to nations within our planet.   There is a conversation between our cells not unlike the conversation between two people giving and taking more or less, programmed to bring us back into a homeostatic balance, that I shall call Love.

Key point 1#:  Communication to establish a bond has components of support and challenge. 

 Even conflict brings awareness to the entanglement between two entities. “People who fire together wire together”.    If we are looking for a relationship that is only peaceful it may be in the grave that you meet this reality.    All great relationships wax and wane like the moon and tides, they dance together as if the sun and the moon and move in and out like a heartbeat.  It is both these components that make up love and the peace and joy is found in this understanding.

While we are here on earth our purpose is to learn and grow deeper into love.  The purpose is to love all parts of ourselves and all parts of others in the world as our reflection.

A patient comes into my chiropractic office a few years ago and reports that today is his 65^th wedding anniversary.    I ask him to tell me the magical formula that keeps him and his wife strong and together for 65 years.  He says there are two simple strategies; 1. Hold on 2. Don’t die.  I am not sure if he was meaning his relationship or his sex life but at 85 years old the thought of both scenarios made me smile.  His wife says, “But you know Dr. Dena we fight all the time.”   The husband replies, “love, if we didn’t fight we’d have been bored and divorced 20 years ago.”

I love this example of real love.   Not the fantasy fairy tale that it is all support and no challenge.   Both sides exist but attending just to the positive we infatuate with the relationship or just attending to the negative we resent it, when we can embrace both sides then we are in love with it.   “Love is the simultaneous, synchronicity of complimentary opposites.”  John Demartini

In my coaching around relationships there is a myth that you can fall in and out of love with phrases such as….  “He doesn’t love me like he used to”, “I never did love him” or “I am so in love”.   Love is ever present.   It is an unlimited resource that surrounds us in different forms.   Our perceptions either enhance or discolor the image of it.   Love is white light and our perceptions are colors that have been filtered through the mind prism of illusions.    Love is a renewable resource of which we are a part.  It can neither be created nor destroyed but it changes forms.   Love is an inside job; the mantra is “I am love”.   “Love the one you are with- YOU”.   Feeling worthy of love assumes love to be an outside commodity but “I am love” means whether you are with someone or alone YOU are full filled.

Key Point #2:    “I am love”.

Why is it we need to understand that love is both sides?  Why are emotions important?  When we understand love to be both sides it decreases judgment of relationships as we see how even the conflict fits into the matrix of a loving universe.   There are many schools of thought around emotion.   Some label it.  Depression for example is a label.  Some try to dissolve it with therapy, methods and medication.   I’d like to suggest loving it.   Emotions are the blueprint, the breadcrumbs to your soul.   They are the symptoms of your hearts desires not being met.   Emotions are your lopsided perceptions, embrace them and use them to understand yourself at greater levels.  Find a coach that will honor your emotions and use them to open your soul.

Key Point # 3:   Emotions are the Breadcrumbs to the Soul.  Use them.

 Judgments create emotion.   What do you judge most harshly in others? What trait or habit?  Where do you have it?   Our biblical ideals suggest “do not to judge.”   Do they forget we are human?  Do they not see the service in judgments?  Just as the body is designed with no extra parts, neither the mind nor the heart will have colors and flavors that we can’t use.   Show me your judgments and I shall show you that which you have not yet loved.   Dissect them carefully honoring the wisdom of the body, mind and spirit.   Byron Katie says pull out your judgment sheet, lay them down and turn them around.   This is a profound exercise that will cut Jack out of his bean stalk landing him into the heart of the soul with one swing of the axe.

To embrace this definition of love and understand that we all have every trait we as Arielle Ford says we can own our dark side and move further into the light.  John Demartini says we have every trait, you can be stingy with your time, stingy with your money, stingy with your sex but you are still stingy.   We express the traits according to our own values but we have them all!  We move out of a victim mentality of shame blame and judgment realizing that what we see or judge most harshly in another is what we do not love or cannot see within you.    Use your judgments to find your shadow.

Emotion –energy in motion.  William James, father of modern psychology in 1800’s said there is no such thing as an emotion but a perception and a bodily response.  So the implication for you is huge in changing a perception does changes your reality.    Actual “Molecules of Emotion” as Candace Pert describes.    Candace Pert is a neuroscientist/ pharmacologist whose Nobel Prize work was her discovery of the opiate receptors on cells.  She puts a new spin in the old story of the lock and key phenomena.   Our thoughts release certain neuropeptides “keys” or chemicals from the brain that travel in the body and are picked up by receptor “locks” in all areas of the body.   The fight or flight response is a great demonstration of this process in action.  We can think of a rattle snake and have a bodily response- our heart beats faster, our pupils dilate, our palms get sweaty.

There are even insulin receptors in the amaglyda (emotional center) of the brain so you can understand how eating and emotions could dance.  The love and joy cocktail of endorphins, oxytocin, and vasopressin are not only made by the pituitary gland in the brain but also in the gonads!  Make love to me and my mind for the best orgasm!   A beautiful, profound finding for the purpose of this article is that the heart contains receptors for most all of the neuropeptides!!   So I will feel you before I will see you.

Key Point #4:  Your Judgments are your Shadow

Sexual expression or repression is often a reflection of your relationship as love-making occurs on many different levels.    It is an efficient way to triage your relationship.   The physical sex reality gives us the ground to dig deeper.  Guilt’s of the past, fears and doubts about the future are often symptoms that show up in the bedroom so it is an intimate way into your heart.

In these situations, sexual healing is not as much about lotions, potions, leather, lace and sex toys and improving sexual technique.   It is more about heightening our awareness of what’s stopping us from being closer with our partner.  It is a process of unraveling ever-deeper levels of truth about our fears, telling those truths to ourselves and our partners, and thus creating a sacred space within which to share our loving expression.  So, in a way, effective relationship therapy is really sex therapy and self exploration therapy on one mattress!

“Sexual energy is a tremendous source of vitality and life force. When we own and live our sexual energy, we incarnate – we come to embody the goddess within. We wake up to the moment. Through our sexual flow as women, the worlds are birthed.”~Shakti Malan

What does the phrase “not tonight honey I have a headache” suggest?  It is an example of a common sabotage tactic in which the person is challenged or not seeing enough value in the process.   Linking values to a shared vision is the heart of the matter.   Take a minute to write down your values.   List the top 3-5 areas or things you love.   Values can be identified by examining where you spend the most time and money and the areas of your life that are most organized.  It will be what you talk about the most, read about the most and surround yourself.    www.drdemartini.com  will provide you with a value determination sheet that will be helpful in this process.  My top values would be mind/body healing, writing, speaking, family, yoga.

Now list what you perceive is your partners top 3-5 values.  This could be your partner in personal relationship or partner in business.   What do you notice?  Are they different?  The universe sets it up this way to help us love it all.  As frustrating as it is often times to see another’s’ perspective the only way to escape the emotion is to learn to love at an expanded awareness that encompasses both sets of values and links it to a greater purpose.   An exercise I do when coaching couples is have each do a top 10 list then exchange it and have the partner suggest ways they can help you fulfill it.

Take the love test here http://drdenachurchill.com/2011/12/31/5-steps-save-relationship-lets-dissolve-jealously-create-perfect-partner/

Key Point #5 :  Masturbate Your Heart

Knowing what it is that you value most, will help you be clearer and focused in your life purpose.  The voices on the outside whether in support or challenge are there to test your certainty of what you love.   Write down the activities that creates the orgasm of your heart’s desire and do them.  Use your emotions and judgments of others to help you find your way to the S.O.U.L….the Spirit Of Unconditional Love.  Understand that the world you see is a reflection of you so……MASTURBATE YOUR HEART and live in Joy and bliss!

If you need additional information visit www.loveyourdivorcesite.com, www.drdenachurchill.com or book a live or virtual coaching session e-mail dena@drdenachurchill.com

Obesity is a growing global epidemic.   Weight loss is the hot topic as every new support group claims to have the answer.  Despite the advances in medical science, increase awareness of diet and exercise,  people are getting fatter almost everywhere in the world.

The World Health Organization predicts there will be 2.3 billion overweight adults in the world by 2015 and more than 700 million of them will be obese.  Figures for 2005 show 1.6 billion adults were overweight and 400 million were obese.

The industrial countries appear to lead the way in obesity.   Obesity, measured with Body Mass Index (BMI) is defined as a person’s weight in kilograms divided by the square of their height in meters (kg/m2) equal or greater than 30.  The increase of convenience foods, labor-saving devices, motorized transport and more sedentary lifestyle have been to blame for why populations are getting fatter, but as I am discovering there is much more to this story!

Calories in and out do not explain how or why our obesity rates in North America have doubled in the last 30 years.  It is not only humans that are getting fatter but other animals living in proximity to humans are growing heavier too!  What else has changed in the last 30 years that may correspond to these obesity changes?

In 1998, a Scotland medical metabolism specialist motivated by her own inability to lose weight was asking the same questions.  After the stubborn weight loss with the birth of her second child, she dug into the metabolic research for answers.   Dr. Paula Baillie Hamilton sought to test her hypothesis of whether or not chemicals in the environment could act as fake female hormones, changing metabolism, affecting the endocrine system and sequestering fat in the body.

Study after study showed her hypothesis was correct.  She documented her findings in the Nov 2002 Journal of Alternative of Complimentary Medicine, “Chemical toxins: A hypothesis to explain the global Obesity Epidemic”.  Environmental chemicals given to laboratory animals did in fact increase weight gain.  Most of the studies were developed to investigate the effect of environmental chemicals on cancers in the body but over and over weight gain and obesity were a reoccurring “incidental” finding.    Bruce Blumberg a California marine biologist was finding injecting tributyltin- a chemical found in boat rust free paint- was another one of these endorphin disruptor that caused obesity in frogsand other marine life.   When given to pregnant female rats, this chemical, even in minute amounts, also increased the weight of the offspring.  Retha Newbold- environmental health researcher in North Carolina – found that a synthetic estrogen drug was also causing obesity in her lab rats.  Overwhelming research now suggests these manmade chemicals in the environment- coined obesogens- to be a leading factor in the obesity epidemic worldwide.   These chemicals are not just found in toxic waste dumps, they are in our homes and everyday life.  A chemical like BPA (Bisphenol A) have been banned from baby bottles but are still found in many plastics and on the surface of cash register receipts and tributyltin is a common additive to paints, glues and fillers.

How do we apply this to Atlantic Canada?   Since it was cancer research that highlighted these global phenomena, I decided to examine the cancer and obesity rates in Atlantic Canada to further test this theory.   There is a correlation- The Atlantic Provinces have the highest rates of certain cancers and greatest obesity.

Dr. Louise Parker is heading a $7-million Atlantic-Canada-wide study to expose the roots of the high cancer rates in this region.

http://www.iwk.nshealth.ca/index.cfm?objectid=3A76EEFC-BFBC-46C2-B854FB283736B70F

“The Atlantic provinces have the highest rates of cancer in Canada,” says Dr. Parker. “The Atlantic PATH project will help us understand why the rates are so high in the region and, more importantly, to develop strategies which deal with those underlying causes and significantly reduce those rates.”

The geography of cancer is of particular interest to Dr. Parker, who came to Halifax in 2006 from England’s Newcastle University. “In Nova Scotia, there are areas where radon is found in high levels in the ground,” she notes. “There are also areas where arsenic leaches into the groundwater. I’m studying how these exposures affect people’s cancer risk over time.” More than studying, she is also a key member of Nova Scotia’s Advisory Group on Radon. The effects of obesity, alcohol, fast foods and household chemicals are also on Dr. Parker’s radar. “It’s not in our best interests to sit back and see what happens over time,” she says. “As we learn how various factors influence cancer risk, we must influence policy to protect people.”

A 2003 paper prepared by Karen Hayward and Ronald Coleman for Atlantic Regional Office of Health Canada discusses the health of Atlantic Canadians within social and economic factors. Low-income groups such as Aboriginal people, visible minorities, and single mothers and their children consistently have more health challenges than others in the population.  They have higher rates of smoking, poor diet, obesity, and physical inactivity, which also are symptoms of deeper underlying social and economic factors. http://www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/canada/regions/atlantic/pdf/Tides_Inequity_and_Chronic_Disease.pdf

In addition to diet, lifestyle and social factors, clearly environmental toxins account for many chronic disease of obesity, cancer, cardiovascular disease and diabetes.  The solution begins with awareness and education.  Social reform and public education in continued research to identify these environmental chemicals and lobbing government and regulatory bodies to provide more scrutiny to companies manufacturing chemicals is a global action step.   On an individual bases solutions rest within educating the public about ways to reduce the toxins in our homes and finding nutritional programs that provides affordable organic choices with a regular detoxification process.

Today many medical nutritional recommendations are based upon the ‘Canada Food Guide’ that “coincidently” is sponsored by the milk and meat marketing boards.  Current new age environments with genetically modified foods, mineral depletion from the soil,  presence of pesticides and other environmental toxins, our food source is not what it used to be.  New age environment requires new age modifications.

5 Simple New Age Strategies:

1. Eat raw and colorfully organic. (especially avoid the microwave and toxic Teflon)
2. Supplements, quality protein shakes and sunshine.
3. Nutritional cleansing and cellular detoxifying system.
4. Reduce the 5 white poisons- dairy, sugar, flour, and fat, salt.
5. Filter your water and air.

Disease begins with one cell.   Support that one cell with great nutrition, cellular regeneration and detoxification opportunities to re-create a harmonic symphony within the 50 trillion other cells in your body.    Connect with me to know which systems I love.

Dr. Dena Churchill does regular internet radio shows, wellness talks and presentations to help you Envision and Achieve Your Best.    Check out www.drdenachurchill.com/events or send an invitation for her to come speak to your group or organization dena@drdenachurchill.com .

Other resources:

Nature of Things with David Suzuki and the recent global mail article “Are chemicals or Calories making you fat” are other resources to support the obesogen research and this new understanding.  http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/health/new-health/conditions/obesity/are-chemicals-not-calories-making-us-fat/article2297775/

http://www.cbc.ca/natureofthings/episode/programmed-to-be-fat.html

Through my own personal journey, treating thousands of patients and in coaching hundreds of individuals and couples , I have discovered the areas of resistance within the relationship holds the greatest insights for your own personal growth of learning to love. How do we come together to find a solution that benefits us both? Is there such a thing as a compromise? Do you sacrifice what is important to you for your lover? How do you build bridges in your relationship? What is jealousy and what is its purpose? Is there a perfect partner?

This time of the year brings past reflection as old falls away and new growth happens in relationships, moving through a divine plan. Family stresses and divorce rates are higher in December and January than any other as we evaluate the New Year with a fresh perspective. There is so much to learn when you are courageous enough to dive into the deep waters of our emotional iceberg and understand what beliefs are supporting your thoughts, words and actions to make-love to the ocean of possibilities. Without looking into the waters of wisdom your next relationship may end with the same lesson. You attract same lesson until you learn to love it. Let’s triage your relationship and give you the “Love Score” of your current relationship to celebrate or re-design the year ahead.

1. Communicate clearly. What is it you love and why? Have you asked your partner what it is they love? Write it down if you don’t have the courage to say it out loud. The degree of clarity will be directly related to the length and strength of the relationship. You need the details, the list of ingredients and supplies before you can create the love nest.

A. We talk almost every day, share the highlights of our day and give each other ideas and suggestions.
B. We talk once or twice a week, one partner shares and the other listens and provide advice.
C. We rarely talk and when we do it ends in emotion.

2. Treat your lover as your best friend. Best friends are independent and fearless in sharing their heart and remind you of yours when you’ve forgotten. They are there for you unconditionally. These are the relationships that last forever, regardless of the marriage status. The couple may not always be lovers but this friend bond is a sharing of a kindred spirit of mutual respect and understanding.

A. My partner and I enjoy time together or apart with others.
B. We have mostly couple’s friends and we enjoy spending time with them.
C. We don’t spend much time together and he/she doesn’t like my friends.

3. Take pleasure in your partner’s successes. Unconditional love is not jealous. If your child scored in their hockey game, won an award or found a friend that is really helping them achieve their goals would you be jealous? This unconditional love comes from a soulful place within you that knows love can neither be lost nor gained but grown deeper with loving care. When you are fulfilled within yourself you spill it out to share it with others. The area you feel you are lacking within yourself is the perceived area of abundance in your partner to which you will be jealous. For example if you do not love your job you will resent your husband for loving his and be jealous of all the work related opportunities. If you are not fulfilled in your family life you will be jealous of the time your partner spends with their family. If you are not fulfilled in your sexuality, then you may be jealous of theirs.

A. I rejoice and take pleasure in my partner’s successes. When they are joyful, so am I.
B. I support most of my partner’s endeavors, even the ones that make me angry.
C. My partner is often boasting about knowledge, success in business and relationships and this infuriates me.

4. Love them by giving them support and challenge. The people pleasers – “yes honey”, “ok honey”, “and no problem honey”- will set up resentment within their partner. We all thrive in authentic communication. Parents or partners that only give positive or negative comments will create a child or spouse that has little self confidence. This artificial environment is felt and the person feels weak and unworthy of the truth. We try to fill a bucket when we perceive it empty. See your partner’s brilliance and understand that they need both your compliments and criticisms to be fully balanced. A bucket over flowing with compliments tips over! You do more of a disservice to the relationship by putting that person on a pedestal or the reverse of constantly removing water with your criticisms. True love communicates eye to eye and heart to heart.

A. I ask my partner if they would like my honest opinion, and I usually deliver it on a balanced tactful plate of positive and negatives.
B. I sometimes will tell my partner how I really feel, but I am often afraid of how they will react.
C. I can never speak my mind for fear of what it would mean to our relationship. I feel like I am under a microscope and always walking on egg shells.

5. Trust in a matrix that balances love. What you put into a relationship you will get back. This doesn’t mean sacrificing the things that are important to you for the other person. Truly following the above steps, attending to your desires equally to your partners and linking them towards a shared vision is the art of love making. Write out your top ten life goals and exchange lists with your partner, each of you taking on the responsibility of how you can help the other be list fulfilled.

A. I give to myself, what I give to them. I love, honor and respect their desires as if they were my own.
B. In giving to my partner, I sometime feel like I am sacrificing what is important to me.
C. I give them everything and there is no way to please them.

Rating Yourself with the above choices: A= 3points B=2 points C=1 point
What is your Love Score?

A score of 15 = You are living true love, in that you love you as much as you love your partner. Caring to communicate your desires with them and live out your destiny as a divine couple.

A score 10-15= You know what ideal love is and you are learning to love yourself as much as you love your partner. You still haven’t grasped the concept that love is both positive and negative. When you are speaking from your heart and being authentic regardless of whether you are liked or disliked, you have the courage to love. To only give support weakens the structure. Plants, puppies and partners that have some challenge grow stronger. Daily Affirmation for this score is: “Love is neither positive nor negative but encompasses all. True love is being authentic and speaking from my heart.”

A score of 5-10= You are struggling in your relationship. The key to success lies within the ability to know and love you. What is it that you love? Why are you not going after it? Instead of blaming your spouse, love them for who they, understand their values are different than yours. Honor the divine spirit that you are and fearlessly let your light shine upon the world. Say this affirmation to yourself every day… “I love and honor the divine spirit that I am and I am fearlessly letting my light shine upon the world. I love and honor that others are doing the same. I am love and with this I attract more love into my life. ”

I trust that you find some wisdom within these words to enable you to see the perfection in you and your relationship. To understand that you are each a living expression of a divine intention, here on earth at this time to learn greater depths of love. Act now with this faith, confidence and belief to manifest an amazing love-making opportunity with the unique universal expression of you…and your partner as your own reflection! If you need additional information visit www.loveyourdivorcesite.com, www.drdenachurchill.com or book a live or virtual coaching session with me dena@drdenachurchill.com

Thank you for reading. I look forward to your comments. If you like this article, please consider sharing it with those who are seeking their beloved.

The glory of creation is tested with breastfeeding that lowers the mothers sex drive, a father that notices the sexual gap and the sleepless nights and tired days. The time and responsibilities of this new joy can become overwhelming. Unlike any nine to five job you have ever experienced, this one is twenty- four seven and demands all your attention. “The job description must have gotten lost in the mail and hey, didn’t this miracle come with a manual J Where am I?”

As the family grows so does the ‘marriage’, together or apart. It matures into shared tasks and often the parents are so focused on the next diaper change, maternity leaves or the weekly soccer practise that they move further away from the person they married. The test of segregation and the tempest to divorce begins to emerge. Initially, you are so busy with the kids that you do not even notice your spouse. Until one day you awake and feel as though you are laying next to a stranger. “AAAHHHHHH Who is this person in my bed? Did they really look and act like that when I married them?” The moment of choice- continue to consummate or further segregate?

This is a familiar story in my coaching practise with couples. Inspired by today’s coaching session my purpose is to let you know you are not alone and to suggest the 5 steps to relationship recovery. The 911 answers of How to I rekindle your marriage?

1. Know what it is that you love. There is no possible way to effectively communicate to your spouse unless you can articulate what it is that you need, want and love. As mothers and fathers we often put our own needs and desires aside for the children and family, that we lose the joy of who we really are. This is often a stumbling block for many as they have put off what they love, listening to some outside authority of family, friends, spouse, religious or government organization that they have forgotten what gives them joy. Look back beyond the current smoke and mirror existence to when you were ten years old and find that “joie de vive” activity that you did before someone told you couldn’t. Did you paint? Play an instrument? Coach and counsel your friends? Play a sport? Sing? Dance? Visit the sick? Volunteer? Camp and fish? Read or write? Find this joy. Own it and articulate it. Know thyself.

2. Know what it is that your partner loves. Who are they? What is their favourite hobby? What activity will caress their spirit of unconditional love (soul). How can I connect with them? Know thy spouse.

3. Make space to connect. Once you have sorted out these joys then make an overnight date to consummate the ideas in mental , physical and spiritual form. Get to know your spouse all over again, ask them the questions you have asked yourself, fall in love with the idea of the journey together sharing who you are with each other. Move out of your current physical space to an inspiring location for you both. Surround yourselves with fresh water, Italian wine, beautiful views, music, erotic smells, satin sheets, slippery lotions and potions or special lingerie – whatever that picture looks like for you both to put you in a mind and body frame to discover your hearts. This process needs all your attention so eliminate any distractions!

4. Exchange love lists! This is the creative weaving of love to a shared vision. Write down the ten items you wish to accomplish or things you love to do that gives you joy and purpose. Be limitless in allowing these ideas to flow from the deepest depths of your soul into your pen out onto the paper. Pretend there is no cost, no geographical distance, no time barriers to hold you back. Put your mind away and set your heart free. Create your fantasy life love list and encourage your partner to do the same, then switch lists! Don’t worry what the other will think. Your judgements of them will give you insights into the parts of life you have not yet loved , so note well and use it as self study. Your partner is responsible to come up with a plan of how they can help you get to where you wish to go and you get to creatively design the path of helping them obtain their top ten. Time and space do not exist in a heart of love, so relax and enjoy the process- you will have a lifetime or two to complete this exercise.

I worked with a heterosexual couple in a relationship where the man loved to have sex a few times a day and the female didn’t wish to accommodate this item so they had reached an impasse. It was left up to her to provide a solution. Her resolve was to set him up as a guest star with others a few times per week to accommodate his appetite. While not meeting his full requirement this solution seemed to be one that worked for them both . They have a beautiful marriage with love, honour and respect of each other’s values and are living lovingly ever after.

5. Follow through. Understand that the process is never complete. It requires constant attention and refining. Make a vision board and keep refining the process. Love grows with more love. If you hold your shared intention into growing a lifetime in love, then you will give your relationship the attention it requires to sustain and flourish. Book regular date nights to update and re-charge your battery. It is your ‘quality assurance check in’ with the vision to be sure you are both on the same path. Keep fuelling the fire with love and it burns for an eternity.

“Communication is not what you say, but what is congruent. Words aligned with thoughts and actions penetrate a powerful vibration of love. The philosophy is communicating within another’s values in a form they understand; The science is linking your values to what you both love; The art is discovering what that love is.” ~ Dr. Dena Churchill